Menopause - what a topic!  I first connected with the subject in Morawa WA in 1992.  There was Women's Forum I presented at, where country women had gathered to gain insight and information about topics ranging from HIV and AIDS, (which I was presenting), to Breast Cancer, Menopause and Diet ( to name a few).

I have never forgotten the Menopause section because the presenter was advocating the magic of HRT to these women.  I remember attending her workshop, as I wanted to learn about Hormone Replacement Therapy.  I remember being less than impressed as she insisted HRT was the only option regardless of the fears, doubts and questions that were asked.  There appeared to be no connection made with any of us that attended the workshop and our fears were not put to rest.  In fact if anything, it made me decide there and then, that HRT patches ( or tablets) was one avenue I would not be taking.

I did understand, and learn however,  that HRT patches and tablets were available for women going through menopause, to boost the production of the female sex hormones (oestrogen and progesterone) which become dramatically reduced and result in low levels of the hormones in the body. This of course means that many women experience unpleasant symptoms as a result of the decreased levels of these hormones, particularly oestrogen.  With a patch or tablets,  and I now understand there are sprays and gels available as well, symptoms that include, hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings, insomnia, itching, breast change, vaginal dryness (to name a few) help balance these problems.
The thing is, the option of HRT is not without risks of osteoporosis, stroke, cancer and heart problems which have all been documented in various research and this was brushed aside at that Conference.. 

I know my mother is 84 years old and she still has to change her nightgown most nights due to  massive night sweats.  She does not take any form of HRT though.  I opted many years ago to go for the bio-identical hormone option and after blood tests were taken,  a compounding pharmacy made up Trouches for me to take orally.  The only side effect of that after some years was the fact I developed sensitive teeth.  The sweetener used is Stevia and of course to make the dissolving more pleasant,  one is given the option of a variety of flavours.

A friend I was speaking with had also opted for the Trouches and after choosing the butterscotch flavour was told by her Doctor to ensure she used different sides of her mouth to dissolve the Trouche and that she could even use them vaginally if she wished.  I put my tuppence worth in when she said that, as I do not for one minute believe that there would be benefits from placing a Trouche within the vagina that had sweetener in it as well as flavouring!!!  You have to be kidding!

Gosh, I have gone on and on over the years, about being fully informed about fragrances (as opposed to legitimate essential oils) and sweeteners (such as what may be found in flavoured personal lubricants) and the effects that sugars (or sweeteners) can have on the body.

I remember the relief when my Doctor suggested to me that I take the Trouches vaginally instead of orally.  He immediately had all flavourings and sweeteners withdrawn from the mix. I had been experiencing sensitive teeth, which I believed was due to the Trouches being dissolved in my mouth each day.

We are all different and what works for one in getting the night sweats and hot flushes under control may not work for another.  Bio-identical hormone replacement was my choice but the thing to remember is we all have choice. 

When hormone supplementation is warranted, there are four major points to consider. These stem from the belief that if we are going to relieve or reverse the ageing process, it should be done in such a way as to mimic the body's system as it was created. In that endeavour, only hormones that are the exact molecules made by the human endocrine system should be used. The human race would not have survived this long if these hormones were dangerous and subjected us to fatal diseases.

Secondly, those hormones used should be introduced into the bloodstream in a way that emulates the glands as closely as possible, that is, avoiding the digestive tract and liver and minimising first-pass effects.

Thirdly a broader spectrum of hormones, at lower doses, offers a more complete, physiological balance

Finally the dose must be individualised to the patient's needs and goals which in the end will result in fewer side effects if any, along with reducing or eliminating other medical problems.
Natural Hormone Replacement Therapy products are compounded by a compounding pharmacist, which offers you and your physician a choice for individualized hormone replacement.

"Natural" refers to the structure of the hormone (i.e. they are bio-identical in structure and function to the hormones naturally produced in our bodies). The hormones start from wild yam and soybeans which are rich in precursor molecules. These are easily converted by biochemists into other molecules that are identical in all aspects to our own naturally occurring hormones.

So become informed, do your research and make a fully informed decision, after all it is your body, your life,  no one else's.

 

I recently addressed students at the Medical Faculty of Bond University on the Gold Coast.  It was a day where these students stood together to take a stand and speak up about International Zero Tolerance of Female Genital Mutilation.  The students had gone to a lot of trouble to bring awareness to this barbaric form of abuse towards the female gender in countries such as Africa, Indonesia and other Asian and Arabic countries.

Trouble is, where culture and tradition (posing on religious grounds) have become so deeply imbedded in the psyche of the elders, it will take time for change to become permanent.  I have read of young girls being excited about the fact that they are about to become initiated, however once the cut has been made and alcohol poured into the wound (if they are lucky), it becomes a different story.  The terror, pain and the unwillingness to scream at the time, must take all the energy they can muster.  Left bound for days on end whilst healing takes place, the tears flow and flow.  It is often the old women who perform the circumcision.

The procedure, which involves the partial or total removal of external genitalia, is designed to decrease women’s sexual desire and is seen in many cultures as essential for a women’s suitability for marriage.  Actually there are three levels of circumcision practiced across Africa.  Circumcision, or sunna, entails the removal of the hood of the clitoris and sometimes part of the clitoris itself; excision was the removal of the clitoris and all or part of the inner lips of the vagina  around the vagina; and infibulation means the removal of the clitoris, inner lips , and all or part of the outer lips.  Infibulation also entails sewing the area back up and leaving a hole the width of a matchstick.  Infibulation has existed in countries like Mali, Togo, Sudan and Somalia.  Most girls are often excised in dark huts with a razor blade, scissors, a knife or a broken piece of glass.  Very few of these tools are ever well cleaned.  Of course a lot of these girls having had this performed on them go into shock, bleed to death or live for a few days before succumbing to tetanus or blood poisoning.

Then there is the recurrent tearing of the scar tissue during sex, permanent incontinence, painful menstruation, bacterial infections and possibly infertility.  Also where a scarred vagina is particularly difficult for a man to enter, his repeated penetrations cause tears and damage to the perineum, urethra and anus.  This can lead to opening up of a new hole, a "false vagina", a hole that does not lead to bearing children. The thing is, it is widely believed that this is the path to womanhood.  Without it the daughters and granddaughters would be unsuitable marriage partners, and therefore unsuitable mothers, the one job a girl is born to do.

In Africa, communities are coming together to put an end to Female Genital Mutilation / Cutting, (FGM/C). There are women's movements in some African countries, like Senegal that are speaking out against the practice.  Through a joint program, UNFPA,  ( United Nations Family Planning Association) and UNICEF,  (United Nations Children's Fund)  are working to support their efforts. Governments, non-governmental organizations, religious leaders and community groups are making real progress.  In 2011, just three years into the program, more than 6,000 communities in Ethiopia, Egypt, Kenya, Senegal, Burkina Faso, the Gambia, Guinea and Somalia have already abandoned the practice.

 

 

 This significant progress in the fight against FGM/C is a direct result of the commitment of NGOs and various associations including Zonta International, the political authorities, and the involvement of traditional and religious leaders, with support from technical and financial partners.  A strategic communication plan was put in place, accompanied by intense lobbying, technical capacity building and institutional support. Happily, these strategies are proving quite successful.

As a result, in the country Burkina Faso: A law was passed on November 13, 1996 outlawing FGM/C;  May 18 is celebrated every year as the National Day to combat FGM/C. The visible support of opinion leaders, traditional chiefs and religious authorities has been extraordinarily influential in highlighting the problem and leading to its decrease; and for those of you who have read the papers lately you will have seen the photos of Masai tribesmen in their customary clothing playing cricket.  The Masai Warriors cricket team use their matches to help raise awareness of health issues including HIV and alcohol and substance abuse. They are aiming to be role models in their community where they campaign against female genital mutilation, as well as the marrying of young teenagers.

Social norms and cultural practices are changing, and communities are uniting to protect the rights of girls. The culture of FGM often pre-dates religion. It can occur when a girl is as young as 6 months, or between the ages of 4 and 10 years or on marriage. It is believed there are between 100 and 130 million women who have had FGM with a further 2 million undergo the procedure each year.

UNFPA and UNICEF are working with partners to end this harmful practice in one generation and believe that reaching this goal is possible. Children are entitled to an environment that guarantees their protection from all forms of violence. UNICEF is committed to fostering the growth of this environment, which will enable children to thrive, while fully respecting their rights.
The World Health Organisation in 1981, stated that health professionals were not permitted to perform FGM and described it as a human rights issue reaffirming that

‘..because the girl child has no voice, government should take all measures to guarantee protection to the girl child …”

Activities to reduce it have focussed on training circumcisors in countries where the practice is common, to stop the practise and take new employment as educators.
In December 2011 legislation in the USA was introduced that would criminalize the transportation of young girls out of the United States to receive female genital mutilation (FGM) procedures. The Girls Protection Act would serve as a follow up to legislation passed in 1996 that outlawed the practice of FGM in the United States. The bill proposes fines and up to five years in prison for those who violate the law.  Senator Reid (who instigated this legislation) stated, “While it is difficult to know precisely how many girls in the United States are at risk of being subject to FGM, estimates from various sources suggest that approximately 200,000 women living in the United States have been, or are at risk, of being subject to FGM.”

Which brings me to ask the question—what can we do to reduce Female Genital Mutilation in Australia?

Female circumcision is illegal in Australia, but experts say there is evidence that it is being practised here. Most governments now view FGM/C as more than a traditional practice; it is seen as an issue about public health, violence and individual rights.

 

This centuries-old custom has been outlawed in Australia since the 1990s.  It is a fact, that when people migrate to Australia they usually bring their culture with them. If female genital mutilation (FGM) was practised in their home community then it is seen by some as being a necessary ‘rite of passage’ to women hood in their new country.

In Australia, there is no mandatory reporting of FGM and health professionals are not able to check children at risk. About 600-700 are seen at Melbourne's Royal Women's Hospital that have experienced FGM in some form.

Throughout Australia it takes a culturally sensitive approach to educate and empower communities to eradicate FGM, rather than alienating them. If we try and dictate and pontificate about this and not provide culturally appropriate care, we'll further disenfranchise these women.  Progress will take time, will feel slow, yet step by step change will occur.  With so many women and groups speaking out, advocating to cease the practice, and doing their best to empower women, there will come the day when this practise disappears for good.

What a great day that will be.

Editors Note:  If you are interested in this subject then I suggest watching Desert Flower the film of the life of Somalian Waris Dirie (who speaks in the video on this page).  Desert Flower is also a book.  Another book I have recently read is Monique and the Mango Rains written by Kris Holloway.

 

Finally Sassy Vibes has found a quality Master Glass blower.

Last weekend I attended the Sex & Consciousness Conference in Byron Bay.  I had a Sassy Vibe stand there and was thrilled to meet customers and newsletter readers, as well as make new connections. I met people from Switzerland, USA, NZ and a few others, one from Perth and one from Sydney that I knew before moving to the Northern Rivers region.

The weekend involved a varied program including aspects of tantric living, keys to true connection, healing and tantric adventures within marriage, conscious sensuality, understanding energetic orgasm, sacred sex, the effects of attraction to another, breath and energy orgasms and much, much more.  My connections with participants offered answers to their questions about intimate pleasure products,  why some men feel threatened by the vibrator, which are the best, explanation of materials they are made from, what different features on sex toys are for, plus much discussion on natural lubricants, sexual enhancers and buying from adult shops.

I also met a lovely young woman, Ella Rose, who had the most beautiful display of glass dildos. I have never had them available on the Sassy Vibe web site mainly because I could never vouch for the quality if purchasing through normal wholesale outlets.  I have always been of the belief and understanding that master glass blowers are more uncommon than common, and that individual handmade products, hardened in a kiln, and made with a synergy of sensual connection with the craft is a rather rare occurrence.

I now have on offer two beautiful dildos that come complete with a beautiful velvet and silk pouch that protects and cossets each masterpiece.

Glass pleasure objects heats very quickly to our body temperature. The hypoallergenic glass is nonporous and body safe, and when cared for properly, is designed to last a lifetime.  Even better, you can run the wand under warm water for a warm feeling or chill it under cold water for a cool sensation

 I have to say, I have never seen a glass selection before that has really caught my eye.  There was an amazing energy felt from each glass dildo on display, that seemed to weave artistic abandon, with intentional design, in the name of exquisite erotic pleasure.

These unique, individual, handcrafted glass dildos are simply sublime. Elegant, expertly made, and hand-crafted with amazing attention to detail, this luxurious glass dildo range will leave you breathless. Each hand-blown product is sleek, unique, and lovely.

They would also make a great pelvic floor strengthener as well.  The straighter version are heavy enough to provide a level of resistance which would speed up the tightening of your pelvic floor.  Check them out on the Glass Dildo page.

 

These past weeks there have been many topics making the news from same sex relationships and civil unions, to the question "Should men have the right to 'financial abortions'?" , as well as  the fact that World AIDS Day has come and gone and after 20 years of red ribbons and World AIDS Day awareness campaigns  in this country,  the 'safe sex' message is still being ignored, not to mention the ongoing debate regarding  sex workers and whether there is a place for them in society or not.

Phew! That is just to name a few. 

Same-Sex relationships

It has already been a source of amazement, to me,  that there are those who feel so strongly against same-sex relationships, who have never had anything to do directly with anyone gay.  Then again there are those who have grown up with a deep againstness, which has been conditioned over time from parents who have expressed immense indignation, and righteous statements about their beliefs of homosexuality being evil, wicked, immoral, depraved and many other words that would fill this page.

That type of conditioning even though it is baseless, is passed down from one generation to another.  Here is an ironic story,  I used to travel to and from school,  with a family of boys that were very crude and derogatory in their remarks about males that did not fit their idea of masculinity.  If anyone was unlucky enough to be obese, they were bullied and ridiculed by this family.  You were classed as a sissy  if you expressed anything by waving your hands around, and if you did not excel at sport, you were most definitely a 'retard'.

When the middle son grew up, his own family of boys carried on the tradition of hating gays.  The eldest son came with his mother, myself and my daughter to an educational evening, where a play put on by gay women and men, showed through song and dance how the HIV virus spread, about the importance of practising safe sex and how easy it was to contract Hep B.

Whilst waiting in the foyer to go in to the theatre to take our seats, this son came up and told his mother he had just been touched up by some gay who walked past him.  This was totally untrue - as yes, he was asked to point the person out- who just so happened to be 'straight'!  His idea to cause a sensation came from this imprint from his father ( in particular) whose againstness of homosexuality was extreme.

Moving on in time, the last time I ran into this family (three years ago), the youngest son had 'come out' and declared to his family he was gay.  The father went through a very painful and emotional time coming to terms with this reality and eventually the generational conditioning came tumbling down.  On his sons 21st birthday he admitted to realising that his youngest sons friends, both gay and straight, were the most amazing group of young people he had ever had the pleasure of meeting and that his son was a very respected, clever, articulate and loved person in this large group of people.  There was nothing debasing, or debauched about their love of life, their friendships, or their willingness to accept each other for who they were.

Should men have the right to 'financial abortions'?

This week I received a thought provoking article extracted from the Grazia magazine asking the question whether or not fathers have the right to cut all ties with their child if a woman goes ahead with an unplanned pregnancy, especially if it is against their will.

Again there are two camps in response to the question, where two men had their say - fore and against.

The against response said that even though he was out of pocket more than $55,000 in 15 years of child support, what would be worse in his view was some kid rocking up at the door in say 16 years time with the question "Why did you abandon me?"  He said he would never want to have to explain that he walked away in order to protect his bank balance.

The affirmative response came from a man who agrees a woman has the right to have a baby, has the right to be smart, literate, financially successful and independent and if from that place she wishes to go ahead and have a child, then good on her.  However, if a woman chooses to go ahead and have a baby without a guys consent or knowledge, then hit him for upkeep of that child, then the father should have the right to clearly express his case and not be held liable for two decades of financial grief.

I have a story about that too. A girlfriend of mine had been going out with her brothers mate for about 12 months when they decided to call if off.  The guy took off overseas to get a fresh perspective on life and after 18 months returned. My girlfriends brother mentioned he was going to the airport to collect his mate, so my girlfriend said she wanted to go too.  As fate would have it, after a few drinks and welcome home cheer, the guy finished up staying the night with my girl friend.  Yep.  you guessed it, three months later she realised she was pregnant with his child.

What I never agreed with at the time, was that she did not tell him, and made a decision on her own to keep his child.  Then after the baby was born, about 12 months later, when reality set in, she went after him for maintenance.  She hounded the father of her child until he paid up and indeed, continued to pay up for the next 17 years.  

 Has no one ever heard of a condom??? Surely some self responsibility here would save years of agonising financial burden!

World AIDS Day

When I began my work with HIV/AIDS, I witnessed a marginalised group of people band together in the most extraordinary way and become carers of the sick, campaigners and educators of safe sex practises and show unconditional love for anyone that had been identified as HIV positive.  I had never before ever known or seen people in the community take steps to be there for others in such a powerful way. The educational messages they put together had far reaching effects in schools in the early 1990's as well as making a clear and loud statement about practising safe sex and the use of condoms and using clean needles.

Of course it was thought that this dreaded virus only affected gay people and drug addicts.  This was not true, as once blood banks realised that ordinary men, women and children were living with the virus through being haemophiliacs or having had unprotected sex with someone carrying the virus, then society sat up and began to take notice.

In Western Australia where I was based at the time, one of the biggest points to get across to a section of the community, was to the miners who worked away up North, three months on and one month off. Advocating the use condoms when having sex, usually fell on deaf ears, or at least when it came to putting the message into practise, it was brushed aside. 

When these single miners returned to Perth City , they usually found sexual relief with a sex worker. There were safety measures in place in this instance, as sex workers had received a lot of education and had been briefed to never have sex with clients without a condom.

This message was never easy to get across to those who travelled overseas though.  As one friend who worked in the mines and holidayed in Thailand use to point out. All caution was thrown to the wind when guys took off to Thailand for some well earned rest and recreation.  They were cashed up, would go to bars, be waited upon by skimpily clad Thai waitresses and behave in drunken, disrespectful ways, and then wander off to have sex, never giving any thought to their own safety. No wonder so many came back (even to this day) where months later they learned they had contracted the HIV virus.

Young people today may use a condom if having penetrative intercourse, but what about oral sex?  Given the numbers of young girls who find themselves with oral herpes, I draw the obvious conclusion that they are not insisting on condoms being worn when giving head.

Then there are those middle aged women who after years of marriage, bringing up children and being the perfect housewife, who decide to break out of what has become (perhaps) a mundane and sexless marriage to grab life by the balls and re-connect with their sexual self.  They embark on many dates, with many partners, cruises on ships, try internet dating and never, ever use condoms.  It becomes a game of Russian Roulette.  The point is, these women  were never brought up in an era where condoms were used as a normal part of protection of when indulging in sexual activity. With the advent of the pill, all that was ever thought about was not getting pregnant.  Sexual Infections never seemed as prevalent as they are today.

I personally know a woman who did just that, left a marriage and gave in to her new, previously untapped, sexual expression.  She had a ball. I asked her if she ever used condoms to which she replied "No".  She also said, that she had since had more than a few nightmares about  that fact and had gone and been tested and received the all clear.  I asked her why she had thought of having herself tested and she said she had received a call from a former lover whose voice was very sombre and grave when she answered the phone.  She said her heart sunk down to her toes, and her mind said "Here it comes, what sexual infection has he given me?"  As it turned out, that was not his message at all, but it was enough to scare the pants off her and to go have herself checked.

I asked if she would consider carrying condoms with her at all times now and into the future, to which she replied with a resounding, "You better believe it!".

It's an interesting world we live in, isn't it?

 

 

Felt a little like old times yesterday.   I spent a delightful World AIDS Day at Tweed Heads Hospital manning a table set up with lots of goodies to highlight and bring awareness to passers by that HIV and AIDS is still around.  Did you know that in NSW, there were more than 300 new cases of HIV diagnosed last year?  Right now there are more than 10,080 people living with HIV in NSW alone.

It has been 22 years since I began my work with the West Australian AIDS Council and things have certainly changed since those days.  With the advent of combination therapies, some dear friends from that time in my life, are still alive and well.  Whilst that is great news, the message still remains the same.  PRACTISE SAFE SEX ALWAYS!!!  World AIDS Day on the 1st December each year, serves as a reminder that Sexually Transmitted Infections are a reality and HIV is still affecting lives here in Australia, as well as overseas.  So condoms are a very practical and safe option to reduce the risks of infection and remain protected.

On that note, I want to share a story....

There is a real fun book available if you are in for a lazy weekend and happy to read about a 50 year old woman's sexual romps in the most desirable, romantic and idyllic getaways all over the globe.  The name of the book is Keep it in Yor Knickers

I have met the author in person, and was very cheeky and mentioned to her that after I devoured the book in 5 hours straight, I was left with a curious question... which was "Did you ever use condoms with those different sexual partners?"  her answer was "No". 

There are a few books out that highlight finding a new lease on life, where various aged women over 50 get it on with men and finally experience some extraordinary sex!!  Good on them.  May I say though, Safe Sex is not just for gay men and the young... it is for everyone, bi, gay, straight, young, old.  It is about taking measures of self responsibility and looking out for number one.  YOU!!!  Who really wants to play Russian Roulette with their life, by having fantastic sex, with various partners, before being dealt the the blow of being diagnosed with HIV or and STI?  Sure you could always be one of the lucky ones, but then again, how do you KNOW that?

So I guess it is a personal thing.  I can only strongly encourage you to play safe, I have seen first hand and worked for six years with aftermath of those left their personal safety out of the equation when it came to having unprotected sex.

I remember thinking yesterday, as I had different conversations with Sexual Health Officers, Administration staff, patients and clinical staff, that there was a common thread to each conversation and that was that it seems there is no longer the level of education and information being made available to those at risk in the community at large.  That is,  those attending secondary schools, as well as university.  The huge surge in oral STI's is an indicator that all is not as it should be, when it comes to the youth of today making fully informed decisions in experimenting or being involved in any type of sexual activity. 

I for one, can not see any immediate change, especially if schools are unable to give some real, authentic and practical information regarding the pros and cons of sexual activity, the use of condoms and HOW to implement the use of them especially for oral pleasure.  Being unable to advocate self pleasure and promoting that as a normal, natural and life enhancing undertaking.  Offering alternatives to young girls who are feeling the call of sexual awakening in promoting the use of appropriate intimate pleasure products, rather than the boy next door being the product of their pleasure. 

There will always be room for improvement in the sex education stakes that is for sure. Maybe my solutions are too radical, but they are definately a safer option!