Menopause - what a topic!  I first connected with the subject in Morawa WA in 1992.  There was Women's Forum I presented at, where country women had gathered to gain insight and information about topics ranging from HIV and AIDS, (which I was presenting), to Breast Cancer, Menopause and Diet ( to name a few).

I have never forgotten the Menopause section because the presenter was advocating the magic of HRT to these women.  I remember attending her workshop, as I wanted to learn about Hormone Replacement Therapy.  I remember being less than impressed as she insisted HRT was the only option regardless of the fears, doubts and questions that were asked.  There appeared to be no connection made with any of us that attended the workshop and our fears were not put to rest.  In fact if anything, it made me decide there and then, that HRT patches ( or tablets) was one avenue I would not be taking.

I did understand, and learn however,  that HRT patches and tablets were available for women going through menopause, to boost the production of the female sex hormones (oestrogen and progesterone) which become dramatically reduced and result in low levels of the hormones in the body. This of course means that many women experience unpleasant symptoms as a result of the decreased levels of these hormones, particularly oestrogen.  With a patch or tablets,  and I now understand there are sprays and gels available as well, symptoms that include, hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings, insomnia, itching, breast change, vaginal dryness (to name a few) help balance these problems.
The thing is, the option of HRT is not without risks of osteoporosis, stroke, cancer and heart problems which have all been documented in various research and this was brushed aside at that Conference.. 

I know my mother is 84 years old and she still has to change her nightgown most nights due to  massive night sweats.  She does not take any form of HRT though.  I opted many years ago to go for the bio-identical hormone option and after blood tests were taken,  a compounding pharmacy made up Trouches for me to take orally.  The only side effect of that after some years was the fact I developed sensitive teeth.  The sweetener used is Stevia and of course to make the dissolving more pleasant,  one is given the option of a variety of flavours.

A friend I was speaking with had also opted for the Trouches and after choosing the butterscotch flavour was told by her Doctor to ensure she used different sides of her mouth to dissolve the Trouche and that she could even use them vaginally if she wished.  I put my tuppence worth in when she said that, as I do not for one minute believe that there would be benefits from placing a Trouche within the vagina that had sweetener in it as well as flavouring!!!  You have to be kidding!

Gosh, I have gone on and on over the years, about being fully informed about fragrances (as opposed to legitimate essential oils) and sweeteners (such as what may be found in flavoured personal lubricants) and the effects that sugars (or sweeteners) can have on the body.

I remember the relief when my Doctor suggested to me that I take the Trouches vaginally instead of orally.  He immediately had all flavourings and sweeteners withdrawn from the mix. I had been experiencing sensitive teeth, which I believed was due to the Trouches being dissolved in my mouth each day.

We are all different and what works for one in getting the night sweats and hot flushes under control may not work for another.  Bio-identical hormone replacement was my choice but the thing to remember is we all have choice. 

When hormone supplementation is warranted, there are four major points to consider. These stem from the belief that if we are going to relieve or reverse the ageing process, it should be done in such a way as to mimic the body's system as it was created. In that endeavour, only hormones that are the exact molecules made by the human endocrine system should be used. The human race would not have survived this long if these hormones were dangerous and subjected us to fatal diseases.

Secondly, those hormones used should be introduced into the bloodstream in a way that emulates the glands as closely as possible, that is, avoiding the digestive tract and liver and minimising first-pass effects.

Thirdly a broader spectrum of hormones, at lower doses, offers a more complete, physiological balance

Finally the dose must be individualised to the patient's needs and goals which in the end will result in fewer side effects if any, along with reducing or eliminating other medical problems.
Natural Hormone Replacement Therapy products are compounded by a compounding pharmacist, which offers you and your physician a choice for individualized hormone replacement.

"Natural" refers to the structure of the hormone (i.e. they are bio-identical in structure and function to the hormones naturally produced in our bodies). The hormones start from wild yam and soybeans which are rich in precursor molecules. These are easily converted by biochemists into other molecules that are identical in all aspects to our own naturally occurring hormones.

So become informed, do your research and make a fully informed decision, after all it is your body, your life,  no one else's.

There are many types of orgasm that women experience and it is not simply the vaginal, clitoral, G-spot type.  Being in touch with emotions can stimulate all type of feel good feelings within the body. Responding to the sensation of a hug, breath in the ear, the smell of the person you are with, the sound of their voice and yes their touch,  all conjure up delight and orgasmic pleasure especially in the brain!  The biggest sex organ of all.

It is sad to read that so many women feel they are missing out on orgasm, because of what friends allude to, what Cosmopolitan and Cleo say, as well as expecting some huge explosion to take place that carries them away into the land of orgasmic pleasure, that lasts for hours.  Believe me, it is not like that.  Orgasm is different for every woman. Orgasm varies in depth because of the variables, mood, partner, where sex takes place, the time of the month (in relation to your menstrual cycle), and much more.

Some of us have experienced the raw, hot lust and rush as we have sex in the elevator, or on the bosses desk, or in the car park, or the back seat of the car. Yet, like I said, orgasm is different every time.

This (portion), reprint of an article written by Emma Gray, Associate Editor, Huffpost says it all. It was written from the perspective of vaginal orgasm as opposed to clitoral orgasm.

Even if vaginal orgasm is more available to women than previously thought, it doesn't work for everyone, or even most women. ABC News reported that up to 75 percent of women have trouble having orgasms from vaginal penetration alone, and that 10 to 15 percent have trouble having an orgasm at all, and yet many women still feel they're doing something wrong if they can't "achieve" the ecstasy that seems to come so easily to porn stars and models in perfume ads during intercourse. A simple Google search turns up hundreds of postings on Yahoo message boards from women who feel inadequate because they can't achieve a specific type of orgasm -- or any orgasm. These posts have titles like "I can't have a vaginal orgasm...and it's affecting my relationship?" "I have never had an orgasm through penetrative sex, am I normal?" and "Is it normal that I have never had an orgasm?!?"

Where do these strong beliefs come from and when do they start?  Why is it a young women feels she has to have 5 star experiences from the outset when having a sexual experience?  Who or what sets this benchmark? You know it is a given, from surveys done by Sassy Vibes in the past, that having sex/ or making love is different every time.  You can't set out with expectations.  It really is about the journey at hand, the destination means it is all over! Lights, bells and whistles for some, deep inner warmth and exquisite body rush for others, borderline sensation and being held close for others.  The latter does not mean anything is wrong, it is merely different (this time).

Good God whatever happened to the fun and play and pleasure of the sexual act.  Why is it a rush to the finish line with so much expectation?

Suffice to say, there is no doubt that the accessibility to unrealistic information, You Tube views, tabloid reading, various chat groups on the internet and the like, all contribute to illusory impressions of what orgasm is supposed to be like and feel like.  I wouldn't mind betting that there are those 'out there' who  believe they have never achieved orgasm and in fact have.  It is simply that they have never given themselves permission to allow, go into, unfold, into the experience as they are too busy trying to work out if this "is it" or not and miss the entire joy of the moment.

Give it up!  Go with the flow and enjoy!!

From Cotton Tree in Queensland to Rotorua New Zealand, standing a tad nervously outside St Faith's Church, Ohinemutu, Rotorua were two dear friends about to graciously allow us to witness their Civil Union.

St Faith's is a Maori church perched on the shores of Lake Rotorua. It is intricately decorated with Maori carvings and tukutuku (woven panels) with a stained glass window. There is another window in an alcove which features an image of Christ wearing a Maori cloak as he appears to walk on the waters of Lake Rotorua.

The Vicar, Tom Poata welcomed us in both Maori and English.  He was amazing.  Full of such wit and humour, as well as delivering a very moving and emotional ceremony.  In reminding the couple about their commitment to each other, he reminded us all that 1+1 will always equal 2.  Each person in a relationship, bringing their own uniqueness and individuality.  There was danger in thinking they were now one!   The Vicar spoke of relationship and how it must always include intimacy and touch, which enhances the love. How the importance of communication was not to be overlooked and that there were no guarantees with love.  For as much as love brings happiness it also can depart, and at times unexpectedly, bringing about the need for reflection.  I was blown away by the genuineness of this service, and indeed by the authenticity of the words delivered.  I remember thinking, "If church has become like this, i would even consider going back!!   I do think this Vicar was one in a million.  He really was awesome!

In New Zealand the legal part of the ceremony has to be performed by a Celebrant.  There are only certain celebrants that can marry gay couples and so the next part of the ceremony was carried out by the Celebrant.  His first words were about him feeling very privileged and humbled by the fact he never, ever considered in his wildest dreams, he would ever be in a Church, alongside a Vicar, performing a marriage ceremony for two gay men.  The tears were rolling down my cheeks by this stage.  I later found out that the reason he had become a celebrant was to be able to perform a Civil Union for his gay son, as no one would marry them.

For these two gay men to be recognised as two humans who loved each other and who simply wanted to be united in a legal way as a couple, it was extremely emotional.  The respect and the honour for this couple was very palpable.  I was deeply touched.

This was followed by a sand ceremony, where sand brought over from the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, was mixed with sand from New Zealand.  The sand was poured into a single container by the mother of  one of the guys and the brother of the other.  Another tender moment.

We left the church and waited for the couple to come out the doors after being congratulated by us as we left the building.  I couldn't help noticing the tourists lined up behind us at the gates.  I had a giggle as I thought of them expecting a bride in her white gown to come gliding out of the church doors at any minute.  This ceremony was unreservedly the most poignant I have ever had the pleasure of attending.

A great night of celebration followed with a traditional hangi and pavlova (of course!) and lots of dancing and wonderful speeches followed by Maori singing, which still to this day, stirs my soul!!

These past weeks there have been many topics making the news from same sex relationships and civil unions, to the question "Should men have the right to 'financial abortions'?" , as well as  the fact that World AIDS Day has come and gone and after 20 years of red ribbons and World AIDS Day awareness campaigns  in this country,  the 'safe sex' message is still being ignored, not to mention the ongoing debate regarding  sex workers and whether there is a place for them in society or not.

Phew! That is just to name a few. 

Same-Sex relationships

It has already been a source of amazement, to me,  that there are those who feel so strongly against same-sex relationships, who have never had anything to do directly with anyone gay.  Then again there are those who have grown up with a deep againstness, which has been conditioned over time from parents who have expressed immense indignation, and righteous statements about their beliefs of homosexuality being evil, wicked, immoral, depraved and many other words that would fill this page.

That type of conditioning even though it is baseless, is passed down from one generation to another.  Here is an ironic story,  I used to travel to and from school,  with a family of boys that were very crude and derogatory in their remarks about males that did not fit their idea of masculinity.  If anyone was unlucky enough to be obese, they were bullied and ridiculed by this family.  You were classed as a sissy  if you expressed anything by waving your hands around, and if you did not excel at sport, you were most definitely a 'retard'.

When the middle son grew up, his own family of boys carried on the tradition of hating gays.  The eldest son came with his mother, myself and my daughter to an educational evening, where a play put on by gay women and men, showed through song and dance how the HIV virus spread, about the importance of practising safe sex and how easy it was to contract Hep B.

Whilst waiting in the foyer to go in to the theatre to take our seats, this son came up and told his mother he had just been touched up by some gay who walked past him.  This was totally untrue - as yes, he was asked to point the person out- who just so happened to be 'straight'!  His idea to cause a sensation came from this imprint from his father ( in particular) whose againstness of homosexuality was extreme.

Moving on in time, the last time I ran into this family (three years ago), the youngest son had 'come out' and declared to his family he was gay.  The father went through a very painful and emotional time coming to terms with this reality and eventually the generational conditioning came tumbling down.  On his sons 21st birthday he admitted to realising that his youngest sons friends, both gay and straight, were the most amazing group of young people he had ever had the pleasure of meeting and that his son was a very respected, clever, articulate and loved person in this large group of people.  There was nothing debasing, or debauched about their love of life, their friendships, or their willingness to accept each other for who they were.

Should men have the right to 'financial abortions'?

This week I received a thought provoking article extracted from the Grazia magazine asking the question whether or not fathers have the right to cut all ties with their child if a woman goes ahead with an unplanned pregnancy, especially if it is against their will.

Again there are two camps in response to the question, where two men had their say - fore and against.

The against response said that even though he was out of pocket more than $55,000 in 15 years of child support, what would be worse in his view was some kid rocking up at the door in say 16 years time with the question "Why did you abandon me?"  He said he would never want to have to explain that he walked away in order to protect his bank balance.

The affirmative response came from a man who agrees a woman has the right to have a baby, has the right to be smart, literate, financially successful and independent and if from that place she wishes to go ahead and have a child, then good on her.  However, if a woman chooses to go ahead and have a baby without a guys consent or knowledge, then hit him for upkeep of that child, then the father should have the right to clearly express his case and not be held liable for two decades of financial grief.

I have a story about that too. A girlfriend of mine had been going out with her brothers mate for about 12 months when they decided to call if off.  The guy took off overseas to get a fresh perspective on life and after 18 months returned. My girlfriends brother mentioned he was going to the airport to collect his mate, so my girlfriend said she wanted to go too.  As fate would have it, after a few drinks and welcome home cheer, the guy finished up staying the night with my girl friend.  Yep.  you guessed it, three months later she realised she was pregnant with his child.

What I never agreed with at the time, was that she did not tell him, and made a decision on her own to keep his child.  Then after the baby was born, about 12 months later, when reality set in, she went after him for maintenance.  She hounded the father of her child until he paid up and indeed, continued to pay up for the next 17 years.  

 Has no one ever heard of a condom??? Surely some self responsibility here would save years of agonising financial burden!

World AIDS Day

When I began my work with HIV/AIDS, I witnessed a marginalised group of people band together in the most extraordinary way and become carers of the sick, campaigners and educators of safe sex practises and show unconditional love for anyone that had been identified as HIV positive.  I had never before ever known or seen people in the community take steps to be there for others in such a powerful way. The educational messages they put together had far reaching effects in schools in the early 1990's as well as making a clear and loud statement about practising safe sex and the use of condoms and using clean needles.

Of course it was thought that this dreaded virus only affected gay people and drug addicts.  This was not true, as once blood banks realised that ordinary men, women and children were living with the virus through being haemophiliacs or having had unprotected sex with someone carrying the virus, then society sat up and began to take notice.

In Western Australia where I was based at the time, one of the biggest points to get across to a section of the community, was to the miners who worked away up North, three months on and one month off. Advocating the use condoms when having sex, usually fell on deaf ears, or at least when it came to putting the message into practise, it was brushed aside. 

When these single miners returned to Perth City , they usually found sexual relief with a sex worker. There were safety measures in place in this instance, as sex workers had received a lot of education and had been briefed to never have sex with clients without a condom.

This message was never easy to get across to those who travelled overseas though.  As one friend who worked in the mines and holidayed in Thailand use to point out. All caution was thrown to the wind when guys took off to Thailand for some well earned rest and recreation.  They were cashed up, would go to bars, be waited upon by skimpily clad Thai waitresses and behave in drunken, disrespectful ways, and then wander off to have sex, never giving any thought to their own safety. No wonder so many came back (even to this day) where months later they learned they had contracted the HIV virus.

Young people today may use a condom if having penetrative intercourse, but what about oral sex?  Given the numbers of young girls who find themselves with oral herpes, I draw the obvious conclusion that they are not insisting on condoms being worn when giving head.

Then there are those middle aged women who after years of marriage, bringing up children and being the perfect housewife, who decide to break out of what has become (perhaps) a mundane and sexless marriage to grab life by the balls and re-connect with their sexual self.  They embark on many dates, with many partners, cruises on ships, try internet dating and never, ever use condoms.  It becomes a game of Russian Roulette.  The point is, these women  were never brought up in an era where condoms were used as a normal part of protection of when indulging in sexual activity. With the advent of the pill, all that was ever thought about was not getting pregnant.  Sexual Infections never seemed as prevalent as they are today.

I personally know a woman who did just that, left a marriage and gave in to her new, previously untapped, sexual expression.  She had a ball. I asked her if she ever used condoms to which she replied "No".  She also said, that she had since had more than a few nightmares about  that fact and had gone and been tested and received the all clear.  I asked her why she had thought of having herself tested and she said she had received a call from a former lover whose voice was very sombre and grave when she answered the phone.  She said her heart sunk down to her toes, and her mind said "Here it comes, what sexual infection has he given me?"  As it turned out, that was not his message at all, but it was enough to scare the pants off her and to go have herself checked.

I asked if she would consider carrying condoms with her at all times now and into the future, to which she replied with a resounding, "You better believe it!".

It's an interesting world we live in, isn't it?

Who would have thought Queensland would have taken a firm stand for EQUALITY and be prepared to acknnowledge and legally recognise same-sex civil unions.   This is such great news.  I, personally am booked to travel to New Zealand in March 2012 to attend the wedding of two gay friends, who reside on the Sunshine Coast.  I sent them a quick email today saying I refuse to fly over now, I can cancel the ticket and they have the money as a wedding present. Of course I am playing them. 

I am so very happy for the same sex couples who will be formally recognised by this landmark decision, and who will now be entitled to property rights should one of the partners become deceased.  Great news.  I have seen the fallout whereby one of partners of a same sex relationship has died and the parents of the deceased (who never acknowledged their gay son) were very quick to strip walls, get their hands on bank accounts and never acknowledge the partner who who stayed by their sons side for 18 years.   I am not saying this is always the case, but I have certainly been to witness to some awful behaviour from family, whilst caring for men who were dying of AIDS. 

Now, at last,  in Queensland,  partners in a same sex relationship will have rights and be legally recognised as beneficiaries in their civil union. This has certainly been a long time coming.  Gay people have certainly suffered much indignity at the hands of derision, innuendo, hostility and isolation for far too long.

I am sure that those who have protesteth the loudest, can not in any way be affected by this change, afterall I would not be surprised if they even know anyone who is gay.  It is more likely just the thought of their religious ideals being usurped that has them yelling from the treetops. As I read somewhere today, what gives them the right to profess to save the souls of anyone else. Those that believe in the biblical understanding of marriage, also need to understand times have changed, what worked 2000 years ago, is no longer is relevant.  Furthermore love is love. No mere mortal can possibly lay claim to be able to gauge the depth of love between others and deem it right or wrong, whether between a hetreosexual couple, a mother and child, a father and child or between people who are of the same gender.

This is indeed welcome news!