Contempt, Anger & Bitterness

Oh No!  My relationship is on the rocks! Not all of us have been there. (Lucky you if you haven't)  The dissolving of a relationship is never an easy path.  It has been my direct experience, both as witness and as a survivor that a womans dark side rises to the fore and is shown to all those who will listen.

The contempt, distaste, martyrdom, jealousy, anger, bitterness and resentment, the list of negative emotion spews forth like a geyser, washing over everyone in their path.  Where there are children involved, then only the mother knows best, the father is at best useless. (I am not believing this is strictly true).  The ground rules over access are put in place,  the price war over the head of each child begins, the justifcations, do's and don'ts escalate.

The mother lays down the rules: You can have the kids every second weekend, you are not to have other women there, you are not allowed to sleep with another woman in front of our kids, (even if you have been with the same woman for 6 months!), you are not to take my children to another woman's house. You must still attend the year end concerts, come to prize nights. You still have to take the kids on holidays.

It is interesting that many men from a dissolved relationship often are not on their own for long.  The former partner will cite that as their insecurity, their co-dependence requirement.  Another put down. Then there is the bias towards any future relationship, scorn for the hapless newcomer, derision for any other children who unwittingly are brought into the equation.

Even in the event of a dissolution of a relationship being a mutual decision, it is never long before the barbs come out. Females I have known and know, change visually and energetically.  You would not dare mention that mind, you would be carved up in no time.  Well meaning suggestions are not heard, there is the tendency not to listen, because THE STORY becomes their banner, their fuel, their means to become a 'victim'.  This stress takes on the form of disdain and mockery, towards the former partner and his new relationship.

What I have come to know, is, the more angst and bitterness and demands you put on your former partner, the more uglier you become and this againstness and negative energy claims it's toll not only on you, but your friends, and your very own children.  Energy may not be tangible, yet it is felt - very much so - and children are often the innocent recipients of this toxic soup of emotions. 

Of course going through a breakdown of a relationship is not easy.  But where does anyone get the right to dictate how the other half must behave, what they can do and can't do, how they must socialise or not socialise, when you are no longer together. Control has long reaching claws that is for sure.

Counselling, meditation classes, long walks on the beach, big, slow ,deep, conscious breathing - it all helps, and may even offer a change of perspective. A far healthier option, than lates nights, partying, drinking, lots of sex (not in front of the children of course) and any other excess that you can think of. Better that you get yourself into shape and move forward, allowing healing and a bright new future to unfold.

Reminds me of the lyrics in the song by Devo 'Whip It'

Now whip it into shape

Shape it up

Get straight

Go forward

Move Ahead

Try to detect it

Its not too late to whip it

Whip it good.