Sassy Chat

 The most read blog on this site is my reaction to the documentary "The Perfect Vagina".  I have found the documentary still available to watch, so put your feet up and watch this..

I would like to add,this documentary is about cosmetic surgery, about not being happy with your lot, believing youself to be 'abnormal down there'.

Surgery may restore self-esteem and your labia may look like the magazines (which after airbrushing and photo shopping aren't real anyway), but you will have lost your uniqueness.

However, I do realise there are medical reasons for having this type of surgery which I fully support. Discomfort during intercourse, discomfort wearing clothing and with some sporting activities. Labioplasty is done for two reasons: medical reasons and aesthetic or beautification reasons.

At the end of the day your body is yours and no one elses.  Whilst I personally am not an advocate of "oh this looks like shit, cut it off and make me look better", at the end of the day it is only my opinion.

I would hasten to add though, should any reader be contemplating this type of surgery, do your research, question everything, get a second opinion and remember altering anything on the outside does not change who you are on the inside.

Take a look at this video which shows another side to this dilemma of not liking your vulva.  They love the result of what this guy does though.  Excellent viewing!

 

  "Fast sex, like fast food, is cheap, but it doesn’t nourish the body- or the soul”- Suzanne Fields

 

Be honest, when a woman goes down on you, you want the act to act as long as possible, right? We, women, feel the same. A lightning fast orgasm borders frustration more than pleasure. Of course, when giving oral sex, we don’t want your mouth and tongue to go numb or your jaw to get stuck and become robotic, but we would really appreciate if the whole experience lasted more than a mere two minutes. Unless of course we are on our way to work, we’re late, but you decide to surprise us with a quick number. Then we won’t blame you for being too fast, we’re just going to appreciate that you wanted us to go to work… free of any tension!

That said, if you get too excited while you’re doing your partner, remember that while you’re sucking all over she’s praying for it not to be over too soon, which means that she’s bound to miss the full pleasure of climaxing.

Here’s a few tricks to make oral sex last longer than usual:

1.    Don’t chase the hot spots first. In the proper sense of the word, oral sex means you can kiss and caress ALL of her erogenous spots, not just the clitoris, which is the QUEEN of hot spots. Most men err because they choose to take the safe road and go for what they know for sure is working. Big mistake! The most important aspect of oral sex is exploring, the majority of women enjoy cunnilingus when it’s their whole body that is being taken care of and cherished. It’s a sign of love and intimacy and we adore to feel like we’re being put on a pedestal and treated like queens. So, use your tongue to lick the surrounding areas: her inner thighs, her belly button, even her anus. Get creative and surprise her with different ideas and movements as you locate her hot spots.

2.    Change pace. Instead of running your tongue up and down like somebody’s chasing you, lick her at different speeds. Do it in slow motion, making sure that you miss no spot, and pick up the pace when you feel she’s relaxed enough and ready to go to the next level. By changing the rhythm, you grant her oral sex with different sensations, thereby lessening the chances of her orgasming too quickly. Give her time to unleash tension, keep building up sensation and the final Big O will grow bigger than both of you dare to imagine.

http://www.gabriellemoore.com/hlicks/marieelise

3.    Hands off! Even if she begs you to use your hands (either to insert fingers into her vagina, or rub her breasts) don’t give her the satisfaction, yet! The fact that she feels like she’s being deprived of pleasure makes her more eager to make the most of what she does get, and when you’re finally succumbing to her wishes, things are bound to get explosive. You know what you can also do with your hands? You can masturbate in front of her. The image of you pleasuring yourself at the same time is really intimate and her entire body and mind will be flooded with pleasure.

4.    Interrupt the act. To have a sip of wine, to kiss her passionately on the mouth, to rest your hand on her thighs, to run your fingers through her hair, whatever comes to mind. Then start all over again. The pause will leave her body in expectant and heightened desire mode and the orgasm will be delayed, which she will really appreciate. Don’t stop to go to the bathroom or see what’s on TV or go grab a bite of food, that’s only going to kill her mood and she won’t orgasm at all in the end. And you’ll look terribly insensitive.

5.    Make it into a game. Laugh with her, ask her how she’d want you to do her, what she’ll prefer you to do next, tickle her softly, let her be involved in the whole act. That will get her mind off climaxing for a while, but she’ll still enjoy the warm sensations of your mouth and tongue. When she least expects it, get serious and speed things up. When the orgasm comes unexpectedly, the feeling is far greater than when you’re begging for it to grace you with its presence.

Have a deliciously sensual week, hot oral week!!

P.S. 85% percent of women like their oral sex to last between 7 and 15 minutes. Either if they’re on the giving or receiving end.

http://www.gabriellemoore.com/hlicks/marieelise

 

Vulvodynia is a name given to chronic and intense pain in the area pertaining to the vulva. This pain consists of extreme sensitivity, burning, stinging, throbbing, irritation and rawness. Sadly, there are many women experience and put up with this condition for many years before it is finally diagnosed. It would seem that public awareness of this condition is limited, with many women living with Vulvodynia leading a life of discomfort and pain, limited daily activities, sexual dysfunction and psychological distress.  According to the amazing interview (shown below) originating from New Zealand, medical help that was sought in this interview did not lead to any further understanding.  It would appear there was/is very limited knowledge amongst health professionals and scanty information made available through various sectors of sexual health. Accordingly, it is not unusual for many women with this condition to consult several physicians before being diagnosed.

Vestibulitis Syndrome is a common form of Vulvodynia that has been described as one of the most common causes of genital and sexual pain in women. The vulvar vestibule is the area within the inner labia surrounding the vaginal opening.

Upon diagnosis of Vulvodynia, the painful tissue may look essentially normal under examination, or it may whiten when swabbed with a vinegar solution. Biopsy may show chronic, nonspecific inflammation. Whatever the initial cause, it seems possible that for some people pain pathways are activated that do not deactivate when the source of irritation has been removed or ameliorated.

Awareness of aspects of daily life that may be contributing to this condition have been known to reduce the severity of pain, such as taking precautions with clothing, wearing cotton underwear and loose fitting long pants.  It is possible that various foods may contribute to sensitivities, especially when stinging is apparent after urinating.  Washing the entire area of the vulva with water after urinating may help and it is paramount to avoid the use of scented soaps and toilet paper.  It is also clear that laundry powder can be problematic, as well the use of bubble bath, shaving gels and body washes, especially those containing high amounts of fragrance, glycols, parabens, alpha-hydroxy acids such as malic acid, glycolic acid and lactic acid as well as  alcohol.

Deactivating the pain pathways is possible using anaesthetic gels (lidocaine), topical steroid creams pain medications, even low doses of antidepressant (sometimes given with an antispasmodic) have all been used.

Dr Glazer, a Clinical Associate Professor at Cornell University Medical College/New York Presbyterian Hospital, has discovered that there is a relation to abnormal muscle function in the pelvic floor area that relates to Vulvodynia.  Through measuring the break down in muscle function with electromyography, which is non invasive, the depth of abnormality can be measured.  Then through a series of individual programs using electromyographic biofeedback, Dr Glazer corrects muscle abnormalities.

With increased blood flow there can be a restoration of vulvar tissue which then leads to pain relief.  Dr Glazer's treatments have resulted in massive reductions of ongoing pain in 80% of the women who have used this process finding relief from Vulvodynia.  A much better option possibly, than steroid creams, anti depressants and anaesthetic gels!

Take a look at this amazing interview. It is a powerful documentary because of the openness and honesty of the woman who is interviewed. Prepare to be moved and at the same time filled with admiration for a woman who has been to hell and back living with Vulvodynia. The shocking thing though in this documentary is that so many health professionals seemed to be ignorant to this condition.

http://tvnz.co.nz/20-20-news/v-word-13-19-video-4232132

Any comments and feedback would be appreciated.

 

What is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus is sexual dysfunction experienced by women where there is an involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor muscles that surround the vagina. This involuntary contraction of the pelvic floor muscles causes makes any type of vaginal penetration including sexual intercourse very difficult or completely impossible and occurs at the anticipation of vaginal penetration or the perception that intercourse is going to be difficult or painful.

Vaginismus is the most common reason for relationships remaining unconsummated due to the introitus, or entrance to the vagina clamping shut completely.  Some women with Vaginismus are unable to insert tampons, tolerate a pelvic exam or any type of penetration to the vagina.

Sexual arousal is possible when a woman has Vaginismus, however when penetration is attempted, the vagina clenches and shuts making sex difficult or impossible.  This can add to the frustration women feel when they are suffering from Vaginismus.

There are two types of Vaginismus:

• Primary –where a woman has never had successful intercourse, either from pain or inability to have penetration. Woman who have Primary Vaginismus may not even be aware they have it until they try to have penetrative sex, insert tampons or have their first pelvic exam.
• Secondary-where a woman has previously had successful intercourse and penetration but is currently unable to.

How common is Vaginismus?

Statistics on Vaginismus vary, probably because many cases go unreported due to embarrassment of the women. Currently sex therapists report between 5-47% of women who seek sex therapy are diagnosed with Vaginismus.

What are the symptoms of Vaginismus?

Aside from the involuntary pelvic floor contractions that make penetration difficult to impossible, symptoms of Vaginismus can vary between women. Other symptoms can include:

• Burning or stinging during intercourse.
• Painful intercourse. This usually results in the woman having to stop sex before completion.
• Unconsummated relationship.
• Avoidance of sex
• Difficulty or inability to insert tampons.
• Difficulty or inability to undergo a pelvic exam.
• Pain with sexual intercourse that has no known origin.

 

How is Vaginismus diagnosed?

Vaginismus is usually diagnosed by a gynaecologist when a woman goes in for a pelvic exam. Sometimes she goes for the exam because she is experiencing problems having sex and sometimes she is just going in for a routine or first pap smear and exam. During the exam the vagina clamps down and makes completion of the exam impossible. Some women are so anxious during the exam they shut their legs and become very emotional further making performing the exam difficult for the doctor.

What are the causes of Vaginismus?

There are three categories for the causes of Vaginismus, physical, psychological and a combination of both physical and psychological.

Physical causes of Vaginismus can include:

• Childbirth-pain or complications from difficult vaginal deliveries, c-sections or miscarriages.
• Urinary tract infections or other urinary problems.
• Yeast infections.
• Vaginal prolapse.
• Cysts or tumors on reproductive organs.
• Pelvic inflammatory disease.
• Sexually transmitted diseases.
• Age related changes such as menopause, hormonal changes, atrophy of the vagina, and vaginal dryness.
• Pelvic surgery or trauma.
• Lack of foreplay/not enough vaginal lubrication.

Psychological causes of Vaginismus can include:

• Partner of relationship issues/
• Fear. Fear of intercourse and anticipation of pain, getting pregnant, of tissue damage.
• Anxiety. Performance anxiety, past unpleasant sexual experiences.
• Unhealthy sexual emotions or feelings of guilt and shame about sex.
• Feelings of guilt and shame about your body.
• Teachings of childhood, “Sex is bad” “your body and genitals are dirty and should not be touched.”

Sexual Trauma, Assault or Abuse

Unfortunately one of the most common causes of Vaginismus is sexual trauma, assault or abuse. Flashbacks of past sexual trauma or assault can cause an unconscious reflex of the vagina clenching shut. This is usually an unconscious defense mechanism that happens as a woman tries to protect herself from more trauma.

Physical and Psychological Causes Combined

One of the most important things to remember about Vaginismus is that it is not the woman’s fault. The pelvic floor muscle contractions, clenching of the vagina and inability to have penetration are all involuntary. They cannot be controlled or stopped by the woman.

Even when Vaginismus has a physical cause, there are psychological effects that go along with it. A cycle develops between the physical and psychological and if left untreated, will continue endlessly.

For example, a woman who has had previous incidents of Vaginismus  will become so filled with anxiety because of it, the next time she tries to have sex it will occur again due to her anxiety and anticipation that the sex will be painful.

The result looks like this:

Fear/anticipation of painful intercourse/anxiety →Unconscious clenching of vagina/tightening of muscles →Clenching/Vaginal tightness makes penetration impossible→ Unsuccessful/disappointing/upsetting sexual encounter → Anxiety over sexual encounter → Decision to attempt sexual activity again → Back to fear/anticipation of painful intercourse/anxiety.

 

The cycle can be emotionally draining and often women will try to avoid intimacy, dating and sexual activity so they do not experience this turmoil. Sometimes when they do enter a relationship, the pressure to have successful penetration is felt so keenly they only experience more anxiety, which of course, results in another episode of Vaginismus. Sexual partners are often unaware of the problem, women withdraw emotionally and sexually from the relationship and the relationship as a whole, suffers. 

Vaginismus can affect sexual self esteem and the emotional triggers such as sexual assault and feelings of guilt and shame about sex can cause women to feel they are in a deep well of sexual failure they cannot climb out of. The truth is, Vaginismus does not mean a woman is incapable of sexual activity, or experiencing pleasure, or does not love her partner and does not want to have penetrative sex.

There is no evidence to support the idea that Vaginismus decreases sex drive, or arousal. In fact, many women are still able to enjoy sexual play and orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Women who experience Vaginismus report the desire for penetrative sex but the fear of painful intercourse and the emotional toll, based on previous experiences, deters them and they are thrown right back into the cycle above.

Both partners can be frustrated at the deterioration of their sex life. Emotions can range from disappointment, embarrassment, guilt and shame, feeling “defective” to an emotional disassociation with one’s sexuality. 

PART TWO: covers treatment for Vaginismus 

Seems there is no end in sight for searchers of the "Holy Grail" of Vulva Perfection!!  It seems there is no part of the anatomy that can not be 'touched up' in this modern age.  Thankfully, I have appreciation and gratitude for the way I am - warts and all!  There is no denying there are those women who for genuine improvement of sexual function or for reconstructive reasons opt to undergo surgery. What I do not understand are those who want to look like the photo shopped versions of the nude in men's magazine or on pornographic sites on the internet who are willing to undergo such radical surgery. See my previous article The Perfect Vagina.

Each to our own - yet something tells me these females wanting to perfect their vulvular look, may be in for life long dissatisfaction of everything that sums up their feminity! I have reprinted an excellent article from THE AGE which highlights the increased vaginal surgeries that are taking place here in Australia for geuine and not so genuine reasons. 

Jill Stark  - Reprinted from  The Age

November 7, 2010

THE number of Australian women having vaginal ''rejuvenation'' surgery has tripled in the past decade, with doctors warning pornography may be driving women to have unnecessary genital makeovers in a bid to look more desirable.

An analysis of Medicare figures reveals almost 1400 women made claims for labioplasty operations last financial year, a jump from 454 in 2000-01.

The controversial surgery, which reduces the size and appearance of the labia, can help women who have gynaecological problems after childbirth, sexual difficulties or congenital defects.

But gynaecologists and surgeons say women are increasingly going under the knife for non-medical purposes, believing that a surgical ''trim'' will help them look more ''normal''.

While some Medicare claims are legitimate because the surgery is medically necessary, most experts say that even when the operation is performed for aesthetic reasons, a claim can be justified if the patient has required the removal of excessive tissue.

Women are also increasingly asking gynaecologists about ''G-spot amplification'', a procedure popular in the US, in which collagen is injected into a sensitive area of the vaginal wall, supposedly to make it easier to find and to enhance sexual arousal.

Ted Weaver, president of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, said reducing the size of the labia could cost up to $10,000 and carried risks of scarring and loss of sexual feeling.

''There's a lot of normal skin that's being removed from a highly erogenous area just because the woman's under some odd belief that it's going to improve her sexual function or make her look more attractive or more like a porn star,'' Dr Weaver said.

He said there was no evidence to justify the G-spot procedure. ''We think that they prey on women's fears and sense of inadequacy,'' he said.

Jane Paterson, a plastic surgeon who specialises in labioplasties, believes the operation can be life-changing. She carries out more than 80 labioplasties a year at her Richmond clinic, up from just five in 2005.

''The problem is the inner labia are too big. They cause discomfort walking and chafing, and in certain clothing, and activities like riding a bike … You look at these women and you can see that it's legitimate to operate on them because they do have excessive amounts of soft tissue there,'' Dr Paterson said.

''I haven't had anyone who's been 100 per cent normal and I've thought, this is just ridiculous. They've all had a reason.''

While it was difficult to determine what ''normal'' labia should look like, Dr Paterson said most women had significant ''hang-over'' in the region.

''You can't imagine the distress these women are in. If their expectations are realistic they're usually satisfied with the outcome because this is something that's preyed on their mind for a long time.''

Labioplasties are carried out by gynaecologists and cosmetic and plastic surgeons, some of whom appear to be exploiting the Medicare system to provide the procedure for non-medical purposes, according to Dr Weaver.

Chief executive of the Australian Society of Plastic Surgeons Gaye Phillips said they should only be done for reconstructive reasons. But on many of its members' websites the procedure is advertised for cosmetic purposes.

''Some women are just unhappy with their look … and with bikinis being tighter and smaller these days they just feel they don't fit the shape of fashion any more,'' Ms Phillips said. ''The women are comparing themselves with pornography, which is much more available with the internet. The [woman] says, 'I want to look more like that.' ''