Sassy Chat

Felt a little like old times yesterday.   I spent a delightful World AIDS Day at Tweed Heads Hospital manning a table set up with lots of goodies to highlight and bring awareness to passers by that HIV and AIDS is still around.  Did you know that in NSW, there were more than 300 new cases of HIV diagnosed last year?  Right now there are more than 10,080 people living with HIV in NSW alone.

It has been 22 years since I began my work with the West Australian AIDS Council and things have certainly changed since those days.  With the advent of combination therapies, some dear friends from that time in my life, are still alive and well.  Whilst that is great news, the message still remains the same.  PRACTISE SAFE SEX ALWAYS!!!  World AIDS Day on the 1st December each year, serves as a reminder that Sexually Transmitted Infections are a reality and HIV is still affecting lives here in Australia, as well as overseas.  So condoms are a very practical and safe option to reduce the risks of infection and remain protected.

On that note, I want to share a story....

There is a real fun book available if you are in for a lazy weekend and happy to read about a 50 year old woman's sexual romps in the most desirable, romantic and idyllic getaways all over the globe.  The name of the book is Keep it in Yor Knickers

I have met the author in person, and was very cheeky and mentioned to her that after I devoured the book in 5 hours straight, I was left with a curious question... which was "Did you ever use condoms with those different sexual partners?"  her answer was "No". 

There are a few books out that highlight finding a new lease on life, where various aged women over 50 get it on with men and finally experience some extraordinary sex!!  Good on them.  May I say though, Safe Sex is not just for gay men and the young... it is for everyone, bi, gay, straight, young, old.  It is about taking measures of self responsibility and looking out for number one.  YOU!!!  Who really wants to play Russian Roulette with their life, by having fantastic sex, with various partners, before being dealt the the blow of being diagnosed with HIV or and STI?  Sure you could always be one of the lucky ones, but then again, how do you KNOW that?

So I guess it is a personal thing.  I can only strongly encourage you to play safe, I have seen first hand and worked for six years with aftermath of those left their personal safety out of the equation when it came to having unprotected sex.

I remember thinking yesterday, as I had different conversations with Sexual Health Officers, Administration staff, patients and clinical staff, that there was a common thread to each conversation and that was that it seems there is no longer the level of education and information being made available to those at risk in the community at large.  That is,  those attending secondary schools, as well as university.  The huge surge in oral STI's is an indicator that all is not as it should be, when it comes to the youth of today making fully informed decisions in experimenting or being involved in any type of sexual activity. 

I for one, can not see any immediate change, especially if schools are unable to give some real, authentic and practical information regarding the pros and cons of sexual activity, the use of condoms and HOW to implement the use of them especially for oral pleasure.  Being unable to advocate self pleasure and promoting that as a normal, natural and life enhancing undertaking.  Offering alternatives to young girls who are feeling the call of sexual awakening in promoting the use of appropriate intimate pleasure products, rather than the boy next door being the product of their pleasure. 

There will always be room for improvement in the sex education stakes that is for sure. Maybe my solutions are too radical, but they are definately a safer option!

Here's to the Red Hot Mamas and Grandmothers who know that just because they have reached 55 or more years, sex is just as much fun as ever.  Those who have added intimate pleasure products to their sexual repertoire, indulge in romantic escapades and insist on pursuing a passionate life, take it from me - you rock!  I love that you do not have a 'used by date' branded on your forehead and that you give the brain a good hormone release on a regular basis.

As women we are living longer, remaining more healthy and sensual until much later in life than our forebears, and seem to be adopting a better self image to boot.  Intimacy and sexual pleasure is not going away. Isn't it great when younger men want to engage you in conversation and think you are interesting? It seems they are not put off by voluptuous bodies, and they love our attention.  Sex, intimacy, passion and pleasure - a great lead up to feeling good.... blissfully happy... joyous even 

Whether you are in your fifities, sixties, seventies, eighties or nineties, I salute you!

Icebreaker

Well, my launch back into the dating scene was less than amazing. Had to start somewhere. A house party, a friend of a single friend. When all your friends are still married finding a house full of singles is like finding the pot at the end of the rainbow! Having never been shy I picked out my ‘end of marriage sex therapy partner’ quickly and made lingering eye contact. This went on for a while. We then rendezvoused on  the dance floor and found that our mouths and bodies locked together very nicely. Quick introductions ( Pedro from south America) and off to his place. Pretty quick (small) and non eventful, but a body from heaven so things weren’t all bad. So that was my ice breaker. No fireworks but a deed well done.

A Friends Wedding

This took me onto a friends wedding. Not a frequent enough occurrence I have since decided. Lots of single people, lots of champagne, and all that emotion flying around.
Perfect pickup situation. An early conversation turned quickly into a joined at the hip alliance for the rest of the proceedings with no discussion needed as to what would follow. Many Champagne’s later in Sydney’s Marble Bar, some impressive dance moves, on his part, cemented the inevitable. We left.
Ending up on the spacious couch of another friend we attempted the drunken gymnastic championships, rather successfully. Some cuddling and a lift home in the morning. A very well rounded evening.

Some Tips For You

This is all very well I hear you say, but how, when , what’s the etiquette, is there any?
Well, be confident in yourself. You are amazing and wonderful and anyone is lucky to have you, remember this at all times.
 Trust you’re instincts. This is most important. Gut feelings are to be heeded. “ Doubt means don’t”- Oprah Winfrey, sometime recently.
Do not compromise. In my experience (becoming quite vast now), men, in general, will attempt the bareback entry whenever they see a glimpse of opportunity. In my recent escapades there has been only one who has produced protection without having to be asked or having first made the afore mentioned attempt.
They have an array of reasons why this will be ‘fine’ and ‘so much better’. Tough luck stud! No jacket, No entry! They take it well, they know it’s coming, but they will try.

Porch Talk - Oral

Having friends who have not been on this scene for up to 17 years I have been asked all sorts of when, where and how questions. When do you make the protection suggestion? Do you let him put it on or are you supposed to do it? I haven’t used one in 15 years, is it easy. Well  back to the old adage, practice makes perfect.
Buy some, get a cucumber (we may as well be optimistic) and practice. Once you have learned how to spot which way round they go, try putting them on with your hands. Long soft strokes, while keeping eye contact is great, so practice not looking too. Then for that really impressive feat, try putting them on with your mouth. This is well received and the disappointment of having to wear one fades almost instantly.

Place the condom in your mouth with the nipple faced inwards. Lower your mouth over the practice object and using a combination of your lips and tongue slowly roll the condom down the shaft. Depending on your capacity for depth and gag reflex, you can do this all the way down or tilt your head and wrap your tongue around the shaft to reach the base. It will take a bit of practice but the effect is very well received.

Of course if this all leaves you feeling a little nauseous (we don’t all enjoy the same things) telling him how much you love to see a man touch his own manhood is always an easy sidestep, and they always appreciate being watched.

Just be your Sassy self and enjoy yourself. Remember, you are beautiful!

Pepper Goldsmith

No Age Barrier

26! Yeah! We all jumped in sheer delight when one of my girlfriends revealed the age of the previous nights conquest. As she is close to turning 39 we were all suitably impressed. I, so far, have managed 11 yrs my junior, no I won’t tell you his age, haha.
It seems to be ‘the thing’ right now. For many reasons, as far as I can make out.

Younger guys are actively seeking out older women. These are not drunken accidents but deliberate encounters created by these soft skinned, buffed beauties. WE are not passed over for the ‘hormone filled poultry produced’ buxom girls who still have a shelf of teddies in their bedrooms. Nor for the ‘mini short’ wearing, Alco pop drinking princesses who have been cloned from Paris Hilton, or worse….no……there is no-one worse.

Flirty @ 30

Women over 30, it has  been realized, know things. Lots of things! And they are more than happy to guide these students around the myriad of tourist attractions to be found on a woman’s body.

‘But can a relationship with these ‘boys’ ever really work’? I hear you ask. Oh darling, we don’t want to keep them. Just play with them for a while and watch them leave with the biggest grin on their faces that they have ever had. It’s our ego boost. But unlike older men, we don’t feel the need to marry our young companions as a ‘look what I got’ trophy. Just knowing we did it is enough. We know we are sexy, sultry and sassy enough to find another, should we want one.

Ripe, hot and Ready

So why do they want us? I think that one is obvious. We’re hot! We have left our inhibitions behind. We know our bodies and are happy to speak up and give a guided tour. We have probably done a few things they haven’t, or are more willing to try things younger girls won’t, (and nor should they, some things come with age). We will stand naked with all of our individuality showing.(Please never call them flaws, they are what make you truly beautiful, they make you, you). We know now that we don’t need to look like the magazine cover. We also know that she doesn’t look like that either without the airbrushing.
We are not devastated if the destination isn’t reached, we enjoy the journey. Our lives will not fall apart if he is not available when we are.( We have a drawer full of toys for that).

Why do we want them? Yes of course….that! But they come with no strings….usually. They are willing to learn, and let’s face it watching them is heaven.

So today’s moral is do not feel threatened out there by the dazzling beauty and youthfulness of the twenty somethings, they’re not top of the list now….you are!

Be sassy

Pepper Goldsmith