Sassy Chat

There has to be something said for honest, direct and passionate advice on "How to do it LONGER, BETTER and HOTTER than ever.  I would hasten to add that enjoying sex, being an accommodating lover or just liking it hot and steamy is not a competition!

Did you know that women who love sex actually smell? It is not in a bad way either! When they are in a state of arousal, their body pumps come-and-get-me hormones called pheromones which speak to the male pheromones and then Mother Nature does the rest!

I recall being told that when a female moth wants to attract a male to mate with, she emits scents that males can perceive from long distances. But males also have scents that are attractive to females in varying degrees.

It is often good to be reminded that lots of men find curvy women way more attractive than the skinny girls that some females envy, because they find flesh extremely sexy and sensuous.

Did you realise the more weird the facial expressions during sex, the more passionate your partner is likely to be? Take all those peculiar looks as a compliment, as good sex is sloppy, sweaty and immensely unflattering! Usually we hyperventilate, frown, scream, show our tonsils and do a lot of scrunching up of faces in between gasps and moans.  It is normal!!

The answer is YES! Oral sex does feel better if the pubic hair is shaved off.  It allows for more-skin-to tongue contact without hair getting in the way.  The female is far more exposed to the male and as men are visually orientated, it is a big plus!

Did you know 53% of Australian women admit to having a "friend with benefits" or a "sex buddy" for regular but non-committed sex, at some stage in their lives?  Far from being frowned upon, lots of experts applaud it, saying it is a much safer option than a typical one night stand.

It seems it is incredibly rare to not have an orgasm girl-on-girl.  Yet it's incredibly common for straight women not to have one with their man!

Did you realise that the happier you are out of bed, the more likely you are to want to jump in it?

Accept that it is possible for your partner to truly love you and still not want to always have sex with you.

Don't expect spontaneous desire when it comes to having sex, accept you may need to create it.  It may take a wicked look, or it may take lots of kissing and stroking.  Do whatever it takes!

Now this is good!!  It is said that men fall IN love earlier than women and fall OUT of lover later - they're first in and last out!  Women are last in and first out - falling IN love later and falling OUT of love sooner.

It seems around 50 per cent of women and 75 per cent of men fantasize during sex with a partner. It is mainly at the beginning to increase arousal and at the end to tip us over into orgasm.

"Sorry honey I have a headache" should be "Yes please, I have a migraine"! A Chicago study shows migraine sufferers want sex more than people with other kinds of headaches.  The link between desire and migraines may be because they're both influenced by the brain chemical, serotonin.

Women over forty claim they're having the best sex of their lives and feel more adventurous in bed than they did in their twenties! And it is married women who are having the most fun.

Did you know that people who expect their partners to betray them, will usually do it first themselves!

Bet you didn't know.... Sex figures in only about 5 per cent of women's dreams, but when it does, it tends to be shocking and explicit!!

How is this? Speaking to a girlfriend this woman said "I spent most of my life faking orgasm whenever my partner had one because I thought they wouldn't want to be with me if I didn't.  Then one day I just got fed up.  I told my husband of two years that I'd been faking and was only able to have an orgasm through oral sex; he smiled and said, "I thought so".  Men  aren't  as stupid as you think!!

Footnote:   Much of this information was gleaned from More Hot Sex by Tracey Cox

Oh No!  My relationship is on the rocks! Not all of us have been there. (Lucky you if you haven't)  The dissolving of a relationship is never an easy path.  It has been my direct experience, both as witness and as a survivor that a womans dark side rises to the fore and is shown to all those who will listen.

The contempt, distaste, martyrdom, jealousy, anger, bitterness and resentment, the list of negative emotion spews forth like a geyser, washing over everyone in their path.  Where there are children involved, then only the mother knows best, the father is at best useless. (I am not believing this is strictly true).  The ground rules over access are put in place,  the price war over the head of each child begins, the justifcations, do's and don'ts escalate.

The mother lays down the rules: You can have the kids every second weekend, you are not to have other women there, you are not allowed to sleep with another woman in front of our kids, (even if you have been with the same woman for 6 months!), you are not to take my children to another woman's house. You must still attend the year end concerts, come to prize nights. You still have to take the kids on holidays.

It is interesting that many men from a dissolved relationship often are not on their own for long.  The former partner will cite that as their insecurity, their co-dependence requirement.  Another put down. Then there is the bias towards any future relationship, scorn for the hapless newcomer, derision for any other children who unwittingly are brought into the equation.

Even in the event of a dissolution of a relationship being a mutual decision, it is never long before the barbs come out. Females I have known and know, change visually and energetically.  You would not dare mention that mind, you would be carved up in no time.  Well meaning suggestions are not heard, there is the tendency not to listen, because THE STORY becomes their banner, their fuel, their means to become a 'victim'.  This stress takes on the form of disdain and mockery, towards the former partner and his new relationship.

What I have come to know, is, the more angst and bitterness and demands you put on your former partner, the more uglier you become and this againstness and negative energy claims it's toll not only on you, but your friends, and your very own children.  Energy may not be tangible, yet it is felt - very much so - and children are often the innocent recipients of this toxic soup of emotions. 

Of course going through a breakdown of a relationship is not easy.  But where does anyone get the right to dictate how the other half must behave, what they can do and can't do, how they must socialise or not socialise, when you are no longer together. Control has long reaching claws that is for sure.

Counselling, meditation classes, long walks on the beach, big, slow ,deep, conscious breathing - it all helps, and may even offer a change of perspective. A far healthier option, than lates nights, partying, drinking, lots of sex (not in front of the children of course) and any other excess that you can think of. Better that you get yourself into shape and move forward, allowing healing and a bright new future to unfold.

Reminds me of the lyrics in the song by Devo 'Whip It'

Now whip it into shape

Shape it up

Get straight

Go forward

Move Ahead

Try to detect it

Its not too late to whip it

Whip it good. 

Who would have thought that jealousy over your man's masturbation practices would feel worse than actual infidelity?  A friend of mine is beside herself.  She has caught her husband not once but twice more than she cares to remember in the act!  What's worse is he has been looking at naked women on-line and going to chat rooms.

He is still home for dinner every night, sleeps in the marital bed, yet when his dalliances on line get him aroused AND he is caught, it is worse than if he had brought a lover into the bedroom for real.  What starts off as harmless sexual variety through masturbation and a bit of fantasy finishes up with the potential to wreak havoc on the marriage.

Why my friend is so sexually insecure in the first place is anyone's guess.  She has limiting views it seems on what her partner is allowed to do when taking a few private moments of erotic pleasure.  Having an orgasm with oneself can often be the most satisfying sex of all according to several other friends (male & female).

 As I said as kindly and as lovingly as I could "Maybe you should try masturbation more often and get to enjoy it and then you won't feel so controlling of what your husband can and can't do."  When all said and done we are talking about a screen with images on it.  Reminds me of the ruckus as a child when one of the farm hands had a whole lot of Playboys under his bed... he just was not caught in the act!