Sassy Chat

Felt a little like old times yesterday.   I spent a delightful World AIDS Day at Tweed Heads Hospital manning a table set up with lots of goodies to highlight and bring awareness to passers by that HIV and AIDS is still around.  Did you know that in NSW, there were more than 300 new cases of HIV diagnosed last year?  Right now there are more than 10,080 people living with HIV in NSW alone.

It has been 22 years since I began my work with the West Australian AIDS Council and things have certainly changed since those days.  With the advent of combination therapies, some dear friends from that time in my life, are still alive and well.  Whilst that is great news, the message still remains the same.  PRACTISE SAFE SEX ALWAYS!!!  World AIDS Day on the 1st December each year, serves as a reminder that Sexually Transmitted Infections are a reality and HIV is still affecting lives here in Australia, as well as overseas.  So condoms are a very practical and safe option to reduce the risks of infection and remain protected.

On that note, I want to share a story....

There is a real fun book available if you are in for a lazy weekend and happy to read about a 50 year old woman's sexual romps in the most desirable, romantic and idyllic getaways all over the globe.  The name of the book is Keep it in Yor Knickers

I have met the author in person, and was very cheeky and mentioned to her that after I devoured the book in 5 hours straight, I was left with a curious question... which was "Did you ever use condoms with those different sexual partners?"  her answer was "No". 

There are a few books out that highlight finding a new lease on life, where various aged women over 50 get it on with men and finally experience some extraordinary sex!!  Good on them.  May I say though, Safe Sex is not just for gay men and the young... it is for everyone, bi, gay, straight, young, old.  It is about taking measures of self responsibility and looking out for number one.  YOU!!!  Who really wants to play Russian Roulette with their life, by having fantastic sex, with various partners, before being dealt the the blow of being diagnosed with HIV or and STI?  Sure you could always be one of the lucky ones, but then again, how do you KNOW that?

So I guess it is a personal thing.  I can only strongly encourage you to play safe, I have seen first hand and worked for six years with aftermath of those left their personal safety out of the equation when it came to having unprotected sex.

I remember thinking yesterday, as I had different conversations with Sexual Health Officers, Administration staff, patients and clinical staff, that there was a common thread to each conversation and that was that it seems there is no longer the level of education and information being made available to those at risk in the community at large.  That is,  those attending secondary schools, as well as university.  The huge surge in oral STI's is an indicator that all is not as it should be, when it comes to the youth of today making fully informed decisions in experimenting or being involved in any type of sexual activity. 

I for one, can not see any immediate change, especially if schools are unable to give some real, authentic and practical information regarding the pros and cons of sexual activity, the use of condoms and HOW to implement the use of them especially for oral pleasure.  Being unable to advocate self pleasure and promoting that as a normal, natural and life enhancing undertaking.  Offering alternatives to young girls who are feeling the call of sexual awakening in promoting the use of appropriate intimate pleasure products, rather than the boy next door being the product of their pleasure. 

There will always be room for improvement in the sex education stakes that is for sure. Maybe my solutions are too radical, but they are definately a safer option!

  "Fast sex, like fast food, is cheap, but it doesn’t nourish the body- or the soul”- Suzanne Fields

Be honest, when a woman goes down on you, you want the act to act as long as possible, right? We, women, feel the same. A lightning fast orgasm borders frustration more than pleasure. Of course, when giving oral sex, we don’t want your mouth and tongue to go numb or your jaw to get stuck and become robotic, but we would really appreciate if the whole experience lasted more than a mere two minutes. Unless of course we are on our way to work, we’re late, but you decide to surprise us with a quick number. Then we won’t blame you for being too fast, we’re just going to appreciate that you wanted us to go to work… free of any tension!

That said, if you get too excited while you’re doing your partner, remember that while you’re sucking all over she’s praying for it not to be over too soon, which means that she’s bound to miss the full pleasure of climaxing.

Here’s a few tricks to make oral sex last longer than usual:

1.    Don’t chase the hot spots first. In the proper sense of the word, oral sex means you can kiss and caress ALL of her erogenous spots, not just the clitoris, which is the QUEEN of hot spots. Most men err because they choose to take the safe road and go for what they know for sure is working. Big mistake! The most important aspect of oral sex is exploring, the majority of women enjoy cunnilingus when it’s their whole body that is being taken care of and cherished. It’s a sign of love and intimacy and we adore to feel like we’re being put on a pedestal and treated like queens. So, use your tongue to lick the surrounding areas: her inner thighs, her belly button, even her anus. Get creative and surprise her with different ideas and movements as you locate her hot spots.

2.    Change pace. Instead of running your tongue up and down like somebody’s chasing you, lick her at different speeds. Do it in slow motion, making sure that you miss no spot, and pick up the pace when you feel she’s relaxed enough and ready to go to the next level. By changing the rhythm, you grant her oral sex with different sensations, thereby lessening the chances of her orgasming too quickly. Give her time to unleash tension, keep building up sensation and the final Big O will grow bigger than both of you dare to imagine.

http://www.gabriellemoore.com/hlicks/marieelise

3.    Hands off! Even if she begs you to use your hands (either to insert fingers into her vagina, or rub her breasts) don’t give her the satisfaction, yet! The fact that she feels like she’s being deprived of pleasure makes her more eager to make the most of what she does get, and when you’re finally succumbing to her wishes, things are bound to get explosive. You know what you can also do with your hands? You can masturbate in front of her. The image of you pleasuring yourself at the same time is really intimate and her entire body and mind will be flooded with pleasure.

4.    Interrupt the act. To have a sip of wine, to kiss her passionately on the mouth, to rest your hand on her thighs, to run your fingers through her hair, whatever comes to mind. Then start all over again. The pause will leave her body in expectant and heightened desire mode and the orgasm will be delayed, which she will really appreciate. Don’t stop to go to the bathroom or see what’s on TV or go grab a bite of food, that’s only going to kill her mood and she won’t orgasm at all in the end. And you’ll look terribly insensitive.

5.    Make it into a game. Laugh with her, ask her how she’d want you to do her, what she’ll prefer you to do next, tickle her softly, let her be involved in the whole act. That will get her mind off climaxing for a while, but she’ll still enjoy the warm sensations of your mouth and tongue. When she least expects it, get serious and speed things up. When the orgasm comes unexpectedly, the feeling is far greater than when you’re begging for it to grace you with its presence.

Have a deliciously sensual week, hot oral week!!

P.S. 85% percent of women like their oral sex to last between 7 and 15 minutes. Either if they’re on the giving or receiving end.

http://www.gabriellemoore.com/hlicks/marieelise

.....from the mouth of LELO

So the G-spot doesn’t exist?
That’s what recent studies from a London university claim, but our very own GIGI has something to say about that. Her uniquely flattened tip is perfect for pleasuring this erogenous zone, with the possibilities becoming even greater when used with a partner.

External Pleasures
Gently stroke GIGI’s beautifully smooth surface over your partner’s body on a low vibration setting, creating suspense for what is to follow. After you have explored the less talked-about erogenous zones, gently tease the inner thighs before gliding slowly towards the clitoris. There GIGI's curves mould perfectly with the female form for the most tantalizing sensations – the perfect build-up to a more satisfying experience.

Internal Pleasures
Once GIGI finds her way to the G-spot (using water-based lubricant), apply pressure upwards towards the stomach. To really enhance the feeling, women can also close their legs and draw them up to their chest, allowing GIGI to deliver even more intense stimulation. A partner can meanwhile tease the clitoris orally or with NEA, or the new SIRI, while GIGI pleasures from within. And when you find the mode that suits you best, you’ll be proving those researchers wrong again and again.

Sharing the sensations
But why should men miss out on all the fun? When a male partner enters from behind, the woman can use GIGI’s curved head to not only stimulate herself, but also reach underneath to apply low vibrations around the base of the penis and behind the testicles. The effect is to greatly enhance the sensations for both partners, sharing the vibe and adding a whole new range of pleasures to a couple’s bedroom play.

How we love a great kiss - it is sex's great hors d'oeuvre!   There is more to this mouth to mouth intimacy than what we may realise.

Researchers are revealing hidden complexities behind the simple act of kissing, which relays powerful messages to your brain, body and partner.  A kiss triggers a cascade of neural messages and chemicals that transmit tactile sensations, sexual excitement, feelings of closeness, motivation and even euphoria.  

It is believed that kissing evolved from a mothers practice of chewing food for their young and then feeding them mouth-to-mouth. Some scientists theorize that kissing is crucial to the evolutionary process of mate selection.

It has been said that women can tell if a relationship is going to work after the first kiss because after the first night of kissing, they just get a feeling, an intuition.  "Kissing is passion and romance and is what keeps people together," says Michael Cane, author of The Art of Kissing.

Kissing can also be a 'sensual' meditation, especially as it quietens the mind and leads you into pleasurable sensations throughout the body. And while kissing may be nature's way of opening the door to a sexual experience, it also has all that lusciousness that we need to pull us out of the mundane and the ordinary and take us into the moment of the extraordinary.

This is spurred on by the brain releasing chemicals and hormones such as oxytocins, pheromones, all of which are stirring up sexual desire, and because there are a  huge amount of receptors devoted to picking sensations from the lips.

Kissing is part of bonding, it is also part of foreplay, and that rush you can feel is probably from two natural stimulants -- dopamine and norepinephrine.  It is interesting to note sex drive and lust are triggered by testosterone, in both men and women. Dopamine and norepinephrine kick in when romance begins. Oxytocin is a factor in at the attachment phase, bringing the sense of calm and peace you find with "the one."

Interestingly, we know that massaging someone produces increased levels of oxytocin, which is a calming hormone. So there's every reason to think kissing is extremely calming, if you know the person well, after all we all know how kisses will calm a child, yet it can also be extremely stimulating especially if you are in love with somebody.

So the kiss, being kissed and feeling kissable is perfectly wonderful. It creates incredible intimacy. It boosts self-esteem.  There is no doubt about it, it is wonderful to be kissed by somebody.

There has to be something said for honest, direct and passionate advice on "How to do it LONGER, BETTER and HOTTER than ever.  I would hasten to add that enjoying sex, being an accommodating lover or just liking it hot and steamy is not a competition!

Did you know that women who love sex actually smell? It is not in a bad way either! When they are in a state of arousal, their body pumps come-and-get-me hormones called pheromones which speak to the male pheromones and then Mother Nature does the rest!

I recall being told that when a female moth wants to attract a male to mate with, she emits scents that males can perceive from long distances. But males also have scents that are attractive to females in varying degrees.

It is often good to be reminded that lots of men find curvy women way more attractive than the skinny girls that some females envy, because they find flesh extremely sexy and sensuous.

Did you realise the more weird the facial expressions during sex, the more passionate your partner is likely to be? Take all those peculiar looks as a compliment, as good sex is sloppy, sweaty and immensely unflattering! Usually we hyperventilate, frown, scream, show our tonsils and do a lot of scrunching up of faces in between gasps and moans.  It is normal!!

The answer is YES! Oral sex does feel better if the pubic hair is shaved off.  It allows for more-skin-to tongue contact without hair getting in the way.  The female is far more exposed to the male and as men are visually orientated, it is a big plus!

Did you know 53% of Australian women admit to having a "friend with benefits" or a "sex buddy" for regular but non-committed sex, at some stage in their lives?  Far from being frowned upon, lots of experts applaud it, saying it is a much safer option than a typical one night stand.

It seems it is incredibly rare to not have an orgasm girl-on-girl.  Yet it's incredibly common for straight women not to have one with their man!

Did you realise that the happier you are out of bed, the more likely you are to want to jump in it?

Accept that it is possible for your partner to truly love you and still not want to always have sex with you.

Don't expect spontaneous desire when it comes to having sex, accept you may need to create it.  It may take a wicked look, or it may take lots of kissing and stroking.  Do whatever it takes!

Now this is good!!  It is said that men fall IN love earlier than women and fall OUT of lover later - they're first in and last out!  Women are last in and first out - falling IN love later and falling OUT of love sooner.

It seems around 50 per cent of women and 75 per cent of men fantasize during sex with a partner. It is mainly at the beginning to increase arousal and at the end to tip us over into orgasm.

"Sorry honey I have a headache" should be "Yes please, I have a migraine"! A Chicago study shows migraine sufferers want sex more than people with other kinds of headaches.  The link between desire and migraines may be because they're both influenced by the brain chemical, serotonin.

Women over forty claim they're having the best sex of their lives and feel more adventurous in bed than they did in their twenties! And it is married women who are having the most fun.

Did you know that people who expect their partners to betray them, will usually do it first themselves!

Bet you didn't know.... Sex figures in only about 5 per cent of women's dreams, but when it does, it tends to be shocking and explicit!!

How is this? Speaking to a girlfriend this woman said "I spent most of my life faking orgasm whenever my partner had one because I thought they wouldn't want to be with me if I didn't.  Then one day I just got fed up.  I told my husband of two years that I'd been faking and was only able to have an orgasm through oral sex; he smiled and said, "I thought so".  Men  aren't  as stupid as you think!!

Footnote:   Much of this information was gleaned from More Hot Sex by Tracey Cox