Sassy Chat

I was watching television this evening and an advert came on that caught my attention. It was an ad for Poise. A woman sneezing, picking up a child and doing aerobics, the message being that if you have urinary incontinence or leaking then wear a Poise panty liner.

Well, That is one option, yet I couldn't help thinking... why not get to the source of the problem?  A weak pelvic floor muscle stems from using the incorrect muscles when lifting, poor toilet position especially straining the bowel, excessive exercising without correct pulling in and tightening of the pelvic muscles.  Many women tightening the waist muscles and ' suck in' , rather than finding their core balance and learning to squeeze and hold the pelvic floor muscle correctly.

There is a great book available called " Hold it Sister" written by Mary O'Dwyer, Physiotherapist and Pelvic Floor Coach. This book has illustrations which help you get a visual of what is required, as well as a chapter on exercise that will assist strenthening you pelvic floor muscles. Watch and listen to what she has to say about pelvic floor strength in the clip below.

 Often learning to exercise the correct muscles is aided by using a resistance device which is inserted into vagina.

 The Vaginal Barbell is a weighted barbell made of medical grade stainless steel which really helps with clenching exercises.  It ensures you are using the correct muscles.

 For busy women on the go, the Luna Beads from Lelo are a great options.  The set contain two lots of weighted balls, one lighter than the other.  As your pelvic strength increases then you can move to the heavier set.

There are also the Fun Factory Teneo Duo balls which are another set of pelvic floor exercisers to assist with developing good pelvic floor habits.

As with anything, the easiest way out is not always the healthiest.  In order to ensure pelvic floor health slipping on a Poise  pad is a band aid, and is not going to solve your problem.

Wouldn't you rather do Pelvic Floor Exercises and use a resistance device than wear a pad for the rest of your life? I know which option I'm choosing.

Been to the Supermarket lately?  When you turn over the personal lubricant bottles to read what they contain it is enough to put you off slip, slop and sliding over your partner for life!!  They are full of parabens, glycols, sodium benzoate and glycerine and are in fact really questionable when it comes to your health.  This is your vagina we are talking about.

Personal lubricants play a very necessary part in the enjoyment of sexual activity.  Water based personal lubricants are perfectly safe to use with condoms, even when inserting medication, as well as

Think about it, do you really think oil based lubricants or silicone lubricants (that need soap and water to come off ) are healthy daily options?  Also another word of caution, baby oils, vaseline and cooking oils are NOT options to be used as personal lubricants.  What happens is the lubricant coats the cells and therefore the cells can not breathe.  The natural flora and fauna within the vaginal canal are unable to do their job, because they are blocked from doing so.  Also note this IT IS IMPORTANT.  It is best practise to  never use a silicone lubricant with a silicone sex toy. It is also likely they will weaken latex and cause a condom to break.  Silicone lubricants can be used with elastomer and vinyl, ABS plastics (with polyuerathane coatings)  however they do have this "coating" effect so you would need to really ensure you cleaned your sex toy thoroughly afterwards.

It is safest to stay with water based personal lubricants.

Intimate Organics have three very good (and safe) personal lubricants.  There is the water based HYDRA, the waterbased MELT which is a warming lubricant and does not contain menthol, which is a known irritant for many women, the DEFENSE, an anti-bacterial water based personal lubricant.  Are you wondering what the ingedient is that makes it anti-bacterial.  Well, it is guava bark which has been blended with sea kelp.  The Intimate Organic range of lubricants also boasts SOOTHE the first anti-bacterial anal lubricant!  Again, I need to point out that there is no chemical or ingredient used to numb the sphincter. When synthetic compounds such as benzocaine or Lidocaine are used, they can cause tearing due to the anaesthetic affects on the body.    Intimate Organic personal lubricants are made with certified organic extracts  and are known to be safe to ingest and are latex condom friendly.

Astroglide Natural is glycerin- and alcohol-free.  It is a great personal lubricant that having an Alcohol-free formula is less likely to cause irritation. It is free from glycerin, flavourings, hormones,alcohol and fragrance. It has been produced from plant derived products. It is good to know that “going green” with a botanical formula made of plant extracts makes for a soft consistency that isn't sticky, is a really healthy option.

So next time you randomly go to purchase a bottle of personal lubricant off a supermarket shelf, in a chemist, or in an Adult shop, give some thought to what you are buying. Often vaginal dryness is exacerbated by using chemically loaded products. Natural water based personal lubricants are your safest option and if there are some organic extracts thrown in for good measure then you owe it to yourself, to shop safe, play safe and lube it up... safely!

“ love never dies a natural death.  It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source”.
Anais Nin

Passion may fuel the initial stages of a new relationship and there are times it may not.  Although inevitably when we first meet, those early stages of romance are what intensifies our coming together.

Marriage has been passed down through the ages as an institution of commitment, comfort, security and family.  It is a serious business fraught with many diversions, with the realisation of finding oneself in a sexless marriage being one of them. Often times, women in particular feel the pull between keeping house, raising family, working and ensuring an intimate relationship with their partner.  Married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times a year, which is a little more than once a week.

Many articles have been written from the perspective of women whose libido wanes and how the male partner is left to fend for himself.  It has come to my attention in recent months that there are many women out there in relationships and marriages that have become sexually and emotionally stagnant, almost as if on some sort of auto pilot. What is also curious, is that it is the males in these relationships who are not up for it.  One could blame the sexless marriage on the significant other yet it may pay to try to identify the problem in order to find the solution. It's possible your partner may not be willing to work on solutions. That is a problem in itself. Your partner may not even feel there is a problem and is comfortable with things the way they are. The problems may lie within you and not the relationship itself. As hard as it may be to hear, it is worth taking a good look at your behaviour and communication patterns to see if they can be improved upon.

Whatever the reason, did you know that there are tens of thousands of marriages that come to an end because of the lack of sex?  So whether male or female the sexless marriage, takes its toll.

Women that I have discussed this subject with range in age from their mid thirties to early fifties.  All have found their inactive sex life leaves them feeling devoid at one level or another.  Many believe that that it is the prescriptive medication taking its toll on men (and women) these days, especially anti-depressants.  Because of the increase in this sort of prescriptive medicine it stands to reason that libido will disappear completely. Chemical overload has its consequences.  Of course there is also financial stress, work overload and many other contributing factors.  What is especially poignant though is where there is a communication break down, or family life over rides the communication channels and there is no longer any intimacy whatsoever, causing disconnection, and certainly no sex.

When asked are there any secrets to long-lasting relationships? Marcel Proust suggests that infidelity is a factor.  Not the act itself, but the threat of it.  For Proust, an injection of jealousy is the only thing capable of rescuing a relationship ruined by habit. But what if even the threat of infidelity no longer has impact?

Marriage is imperfect.  That is a fact. What starts off with a desire for oneness leads us to discovering our differences.  Often this is a cause for dissension. However the glue is most certainly communication. If we are honest, contrast and disparity has the ability to bring out our strengths, and can encourage us to grow in ways we never would have thought possible. Couples who talk over their sex lives (as well as other aspects of their marriages) tend to have healthier marriages, but it’s hard to get a couple talking once they’ve established a pattern of non-communication.

There is often the big illusion that in the case of committed love, we think our partner is ours and so sexual rejection from the one we love and are committed to is particularly hurtful.  What happens when we become best mates rather than lovers?  Is it OK to be a particularly attractive, sexual woman in your early fifty’s with a healthy libido to lie in bed each evening with a mate who does not see you that way?    It is upsetting.  The self doubt creeps in, the not feeling good enough, not sexy enough, is there something wrong with me, all debilitating self chatter. The emotional turmoil which is one of the worst things imaginable.

Sex is an integral part of the ‘whole’ it is required for health and balance in our lives, whether with our beloved or whether in the form of self pleasure. The emotional body holds a sense of self as a sexual, sensual being and the two have to intertwine in a healthy manner, otherwise what occurs are blockages, disease and dysfunction.  Remaining in a sexless marriage or relationship, without being able to turn it round, may not be a long term option.

There was a time when finding a partner was considered the final step in resolving our (women’s) identity. This is no longer a viewpoint maintained by mass consciousness so much.  Our partner’s separateness is incontrovertible, and their mystery will remain forever indecipherable. We are each our own individual self and within the confines of our relationship need to find who we are, for ourselves, not for anything or anyone else.  At the end of the day we can only be ourselves and find wholeness within ourselves. Others contribute to the journey but cannot complete and fulfill life for us. 

I have come across an interesting book with a title "Get Him in the Mood".  It states that you can choose to solve your sexless marriage or relationship from a position of strength, and this book details an empowerment process that women need to undergo which will make it so much easier to get the sex back into their marriage.

©copyright 2011 Marie-Elise Allen

.....from the mouth of LELO

So the G-spot doesn’t exist?
That’s what recent studies from a London university claim, but our very own GIGI has something to say about that. Her uniquely flattened tip is perfect for pleasuring this erogenous zone, with the possibilities becoming even greater when used with a partner.

External Pleasures
Gently stroke GIGI’s beautifully smooth surface over your partner’s body on a low vibration setting, creating suspense for what is to follow. After you have explored the less talked-about erogenous zones, gently tease the inner thighs before gliding slowly towards the clitoris. There GIGI's curves mould perfectly with the female form for the most tantalizing sensations – the perfect build-up to a more satisfying experience.

Internal Pleasures
Once GIGI finds her way to the G-spot (using water-based lubricant), apply pressure upwards towards the stomach. To really enhance the feeling, women can also close their legs and draw them up to their chest, allowing GIGI to deliver even more intense stimulation. A partner can meanwhile tease the clitoris orally or with NEA, or the new SIRI, while GIGI pleasures from within. And when you find the mode that suits you best, you’ll be proving those researchers wrong again and again.

Sharing the sensations
But why should men miss out on all the fun? When a male partner enters from behind, the woman can use GIGI’s curved head to not only stimulate herself, but also reach underneath to apply low vibrations around the base of the penis and behind the testicles. The effect is to greatly enhance the sensations for both partners, sharing the vibe and adding a whole new range of pleasures to a couple’s bedroom play.

LELO, the world's leading designer brand of intimate lifestyle products, has proudly launched its most powerful Pleasure Object to date, the sleek and seductive SIRI. Combining the strength of the most powerful motor LELO has ever produced with the same whisper-quiet vibrations that make the company’s Pleasure Objects so popular, SIRI offers six unique modes and a four-button control interface. SIRI also stands as the most powerful rechargeable massager on the market today, always ready to give an extra burst of stimulation whenever needed.

Skillfully honed for clitoral and all-over body stimulation, SIRI’s more powerful motor enables her to deliver even more exciting and targeted vibes. These are in turn controlled by an intelligent microprocessor that conveys power through six varied stimulation modes. SIRI’s ergonomically contoured shape meanwhile directs the improved vibration strength through an almost silent buzz, ensuring nothing comes between the user and those soon-to-be-discovered delights. Featuring a beautiful and elegant design, SIRI is available in three colors – purple, dark red or pink -- and offers a silky smooth finish that’s sure to delight.

As with all LELO products, SIRI is produced with body-safe, FDA-approved materials which means she is Phthalate-free and made of silicone and PC-ABS. She comes with a rechargeable LI-ION battery that gives four hours of pleasure from a two-hour charge. SIRI also features an intuitive interface dial, producing a range of vibrations from flutter soft to intense pulsations. Of course there is the standard LELO one-year warranty, with manufacturing quality guaranteed.  So as these are hot off the press, i highly recommend you grab one to add to your pleasure box!!