The Perfect Man - on Paper at Least

We all have a list. You know the one, it describes that perfect man, who has every attribute that you love and none of the faults that you dislike.

I have one of these lists myself.

 I have, many times, tried to erase this list but it resides inside my highly overworked memory bank. This is a place inside my brain that I have no control over at all. I am blaming my children. All of them! I am aware my memory has deteriorated with each creation. Having managed to pro-create 4 times (with excellent results, I might add) my memory has become it’s own manager now and takes no instruction from me at all.

Therefore all those useful bits of information like, where I said I would be, at what time and the 3 things I had to buy all shoot straight out of my ears and finish up on the floor trailing in my wake. Whereas the things I don’t want to keep, stay,  i.e. that ridiculous list of boxes to be ticked when wanting a man that has no chance of existing.

I do not live by these requirements, I do not even believe that the perfect man I conjure up in my mind is actually out there, because my sons are obviously the only perfect men alive!

And yet despite all of this I write men off and delete them because they don’t meet my stipulations. A height, or should I say shortness restriction. An age restriction. A body type restriction….too many years underneath a beer belly….never again girls (actually that one I am sticking to)!

Let me take you back to some time last year when I did feel a flutter for a moment or two for a very lovely man. He did not meet my height requirements, he was outside my optimum age range and he was not of the usual ethnic background that I would go for. In short, on paper he would have been a crumpled ball in the waste paper basket but there in front of me he was perfect – well, almost ha-ha.

Surely what this is all pointing to is that elusive and ever desired element of chemistry. We are not talking bunsen burners and sulphuric aromas here. Oh no this is the most wonderful, euphoric, uplifting and exciting reaction that you can have with another human being. Without a word being spoken or touch being felt, it surges through you and you know. You just know. You know that they know and they know that you know. We are an amazingly intricate species with a sixth sense that can not be seen, felt, heard, tasted or smelt. A meeting of energies so in tune that sparks fly and stomachs flutter and churn in delight.

I have recently, for several weeks, been corresponding with a great guy (‘on paper’). We exchanged emails and chatted on msn, even using webcams, where surely you can see and tell if this person is doing it for you. Well apparently not.
Having been using internet dating sites for a while I have found that the sooner you get to the date part the better. But in this circumstance it was not possible. So patience prevailed as the chats and emails were exciting, heart stirring and heading in the direction of, “Oh yes, this is it.”

Then we met and it wasn’t there! The chemistry. The spark. It simply wasn’t there. HOW? What had seemed so real and wonderful on paper had turned out not to be the firework display I was convinced it would be.

So do we scrap our list? Well having tried to do that, I know it won’t work and is not the answer, however let’s try to use it as a guideline, not a male manifesto. Ultimately we will experience our buttons lighting up when a mutual synergy is felt.  It just may not be the hunk we imagine it to be.

Chemistry is not a science to be messed with!

Pepper Goldsmith